Ridiculous(ly awesome) rings


Written by James Read
23 Wednesday 23rd February 2011

But Beyoncé, marriage isn't the only reason to get your rocks on.  From bands made of meteorites, to pinky-sized replicas of Gotham city, there's a ring for everyone. Let us review.

Diamonds are dandy, diamonds are fine, but with a signet and some wax I'll have the whole damned mine. Digby & Iona have created this superb chunky number so that you can emboss diamonds on anything you please. Sealing wax, pizza dough, your rival's fleshy surfaces. Whatever. Also, around your fancy finger-stamp runs the quote 'None Cuttes a Diamond But a Diamond' - a quote from John Marston's The Malcontent. That's a Jacobean drama. Chicks love Jacobean drama.

Oh, you have a cupcake ring with a smiley face on it? How cute, how precious. Fuck you, this ring has a rare griddled steak with carrots and a floating copper pan filled with mouthwatering pepper sauce. All on an enormous, knuckle-straddling marble hotplate. That's all kinds of delicious. Shipped from Japan, obviously. They also make kebab earrings, if having a doner hanging from your lobe is your kind of classy.

Maybe having a sirloin on your ring finger is too fancy for you? You're a business type guy, but inside your suit you're bursting with the testosterone of a Kenyan tribesman who steals his dinner from lions. In short, you're the boss. How can you show what a badass you are, without disrupting office dress code? With a 14 carat gold Muonionalusta meteorite band, that's how. Yes, that's right, it's actually made out of space rock. The Muonionalusta meteorite is a rare iron that was originally found in 1906 near Kiruna, Sweden. And it's been etched with nitric acid to reveal it's intergalactic intricacies. It is NOT resizable. You fit the ring, or the ring does not fit you.

Holy smokes Batman, is that a ring carved with the very likeness of our noble Gotham City? From Cyrus Pinkney's original plans, sequestered from the Wayne Manor? Well, almost. The Gotham City Ring was designed by New York's own Noir Jewelry for DC Comics. It's made from solid brass plated in Gunmetal and has Cubic Zirconia stones that make up the windows of the buildings. Katy Perry loves their gear, but don't let that put you off. They have a whole range of bombastic DC bling, including a Cat Woman Claw, a Super Girl necklace and a Bat Girl Bracelet. Super.

Maybe gothic revival isn't your style (although really, if it isn't, who are you?). Sevan Bicakci is bringing Ottoman back, with these incredibly detailed editions of classic Turkish architecture, including the above example of the Hagia Sophia. He's also done the Yeni Valide mosque, and one with a relief of main conqueror dude, Sultan Mehmed II, who took down Constantinople back when he was 21, destroying the Byzantine empire and then taking over a load more of Europe and Asia. He is basically the Turkish hero. But in this version he apparently had diamonds for brains, and a funky kind of dome on his head.

Don't Panic attempt to credit photographers and content owners wherever possible, however due to the sheer size and nature of the internet this is sometimes impractical or impossible. If you see any images on our site which you believe belong to yourself or another and we have incorrectly used it please let us know at panic@dontpaniconline.com and we will respond asap.


  • (Don't Panic staff)
    Tue 01 - Mar - 2011, 12:52
    Yeah, pretty cool huh? See links throughout the article to the designers' sites.
  • iluvlin
    Thu 24 - Feb - 2011, 13:03
    All this rings are just amazingly over all of the rest. Where can i buy them???