Jason Statham: Hero, Lover, Friend


Written by Meadows Hulme
24 Monday 24th June 2013

The film will roughly be 90 minutes of Jase looking similar to the above and ideally making bad puns about how badly you were about to be hurt.  If we are really lucky we may also get a few sub-Roger Moore-ish post death puns too, like I said, if we are really lucky.

A cursory browse on IMDB tells me that Master Statham has graced our screens no less than 40 times. I figured that not all of them will be hard man lead roles, and I was right. Just. He did manage to do a voice in Gnomeo & Juliet. He couldn’t let go though, he voiced a big fat grumpy gnome. Come on Jason, I hear you cry, branch out, do something else. I hear you, I really do, but do we really want Jason ‘Fuck, he’s hard’ Statham in a romcom, cosying up to Kate Hudson talking about he could never be her man? No. Do we want see Stath playing a recently widowed school teacher who rallies with his class of underachievers to win the school prize (but we know the real winner is the teacher who finally lets go of his fallen wife)? No, well, maybe a little, but mainly no.

What we want is to see him fight a lot of people, get covered in blood, maybe find the time to ignite some passion with what will undoubtedly be a babe, then fight some more, beat the main bad guy. Get into a car, light a cigarette, look into the rear view mirror whilst saying his final bad pun.

Obviously the producers out there in Hollywood agree, which is why this article is mainly pointless. but you don’t see enough positive press about (unbelievably) one our finest exports. If you are in the very fortuitous position not to have seen one of his greats, may I suggest one of the following:

The Transporter (1 to 3)

The Mechanic

Crank (1 or 2)

Killer Elite



The Expendables… 

In Jason We Trust.

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