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Piranha 3D


Written by Aaron Jolly
23 Monday 23rd August 2010

Last night I was lucky enough to be one of the first few people in England to see the tour de force of cinema that is Piranha 3D. It is essentially a rehash of a dodgy seventies B movie franchise that has somehow got a big Hollywood budget. Well enough to be filmed in 3D. Oh I forgot to mention Kelly Brook is one of the main characters. 

It’s spring break and tons of horny drunken American teenagers have flocked to the otherwise sleepy Lake Victoria. Meanwhile, seismic activity in the watery depths reveals an underwater lake that hasn’t had contact with the surface in thousands of years. Guess what is lurking down there? You got it! Millions of man eating prehistoric piranhas!!
Our protagonist is the Pixies and Ramones listening everyman, unlike most of the jockish prick types who populate the movie. He gets involved with a seedy film director who is making a Girls Gone Wild-esque movie and meets the scantily clad Kelly Brook. One scene that especially sticks out in the mind has a nude Kelly with another nameless blonde (obviously a real porn star) completely naked apart from flippers frolicking around under the water like “fish with tits” – as the director masterfully describes it. In 3D!
And those are the movie’s main selling points: boobs, blood, killer fish and 3D. Thankfully the latter isn’t just a bit of poxy depth perception as in the majority of recent attempts at 3D but it actually pops out of the screen and flies in front of your face. Overall it’s a pretty shallow, poor attempt of a movie, but for pure cheesy B movie entertainment value it’s just about worth watching. 


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