Scott Pilgrim vs. Johny Chhetri


Written by Johny Chhetri
Photos and illustrations by Rashpal Amrit
23 Monday 23rd August 2010

So, Don’t Panic went to the European premiere of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and had a blast. We schmoozed with the A-list talent and blanked Olly Murs’ PR when she asked if we wanted to interview him, which we feel totally awful about, because he is a truly talented person who has done well for himself, whilst we’re on the other side of the fence – not selling out.

Anyhoo, the film’s great, go see it. The references to geek culture are easily recognisable giving the film accessibility to any audience, the soundtrack’s okay (Beck did it, good effort mate, shame about the scientology) and the action scenes were well-made with no annoying cuts. The girls are really hot too, well except for Knives Chau (played by Ellen Wong) when she starts doing weird shit to her hair.
Seeing someone as dorky as Michael Cera fighting made me think about all the fights I had in the past – which were pretty fucking hardcore now that I think about it... Join me as I reminisce about the brawls that I’ve been in during my lengthy history here on Earth. There was no turning into coins at the end of these, mind you, just glory.
Me vs. My best friend when we were about six or seven (1997)
I was always a jealous person. I think my mate was doing something really cool and I tried to copy him and failed in doing so, which prompted much mocking and rising levels of blood pressure.
In my fit of rage I grappled him onto my bed and he then slapped me. There was blood coming from my nose, so I thought I’d go old-school ECW on him and smear his face in it, with my fists clenched. We’ve been best friends ever since.
Me vs. Some older guy at school (2000)
Isn’t it annoying when the older kids start picking on you? Exactly, I ripped this skinny dude to shreds when he thought it would be funny to kick our friend’s football halfway down the playground, so I took it upon myself to show that prick who the boss was!
I grabbed him by the collar of his “new shirt” (this happened on mufti day by the way) and dragged him down and then the next thing you know we’re slapping each other by a fence, people said we looked like we were dancing. Let’s just say I was the one who took ‘the lead’ (insert LOLZ here).
Me vs. Another older guy at school (2001) 
The year above really had it in for me. The same thing happened again, some twat punted a friend’s football halfway down the playground and I got riled up. We just slapped each other lightly for a bit and parted ways. Oh wait, I whacked him in the dick too.
Me vs. Some idiot at The Lexington, King’s Cross (2009) 
This was at my friend’s leaving drinks and was possibly the biggest bout of my career. We all got pretty drunk and a few of us decided to stay on and party until the night was dry. Along pops a lady who decided to sit down and talk to us lads as we were the only “non-boring looking” guys in the place, oh how she was mistaken.
A few secs later we’re all on the dance-floor doing whatever you do there and a friend calls me over because some twat (who just happens to be the girl’s brother’s mate) wants to “talk” to us. Well he didn’t talk to us; he just told us to leave and threatened to beat us up if we didn’t.
Long story short: we didn’t leave, he head-butted my friend, I tried to tackle him to the floor, got the same treatment and ended up with a shiner for a fortnight. That shiner made me look really tough, so I regret nothing!
If there’s anything I’ve learned from these experiences, it’s that violence is fun and rewarding. Not.


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