I recently stopped watching Diners, Drive Ins & Dives.
Not for any loss of charm - far from it - but after enthusiastically viewing the same episode twice in one Saturday, I thought I needed a break. I had an art teacher at school who said you could look at a Jackson Pollock a million times and always see something different, because the chaotic lines of paint would reveal hidden forms if you focused hard enough. Best of all, only you could appreciate them. Your own secret joy.
That was kind of my justification for re-watching Guy Fieri's triple D Italy roadtrip special. Seeing him tick 'truffling in Tuscany' off his bucket list, accompanied by his Alpha Tau Omega brothers Jeff and Brian from UNLV class of '90, wasn't something I could view only once. Who knows what secrets I might have missed the first time I witnessed Guy traipse across those florentine hills? I flicked to Food Network +1 the moment it finished, hoping to illuminate myself with a new truffling reality.
And that's not something a reasonable man should be doing. That's the moment failure blooms beneath your feet and people begin to assume you don't wash. As it is, I've not joined Guy on his hunt for funky joints in several days.
I just came across a Vine of Guy Fieri signing packets of Lean Cuisine (think Weight Watchers ready meals) at an event in Michigan, before tossing them into a crowd of eager fans.
I don't know why he's doing it. I'm not sure if he's the spokesperson for plastic cartons of freeze dried penne alfredo, nor do I know a person who'd want to eat that shit. What's certain, however, is that when Guy holds those packets of Lean Cuisine in his bejeweled fingers, they somehow become the only thing anyone's ever wanted. And so I watch it again. And again. Just like I re-watched his trip to Tuscany, hoping to see some secret I missed the first time.
And even if I don't find it, I know I'll be rejoining Guy on his hunt for funky joints tonight at 9pm on the Food Network.
This post was not sponsored by Guy Fieri nor the Food Network, although I would happily accept such a partnership and would implore anyone who could arrange it to email me right away.