Cold Pumas


Written by Johny Chhetri
Photos and illustrations by Laura Hernando
20 Monday 20th September 2010
At the recent Offset festival we had a fucking blast. We saw the likes of Liquid Liquid, Male Bonding, Invasion, Caribou and a pair of bollocks courtesy of Monotonix.
We encountered the Cold Pumas lads with Rachel of La La Vasquez in between Bo Ningen and Male Bonding’s sets so we didn’t have a lot of time on our hands, but what we did get could possibly earn the title of Journalistic Gold or hopefully Interview of the Year. I’m just lucky that Dictaphones are easy to operate whilst intoxicated, as the conversation started to flow over the topic of toilet seats…
Patrick Fisher (Drums): Because it’s got piss all over it…
Rachel (Drums, La La Vasquez): You should do what I do, get a bit of toilet paper, put some of the alcohol stuff on it and *whistles*.
PF: That’s fine, but they should put a handle on the seat.
RF: Yeah but someone might piss on the handle.
PF: They’d be more likely not to.
RF: What about a lever?
PF: Yeah!
That’s like a Japanese toilet. Japan ain't got shit on the London toilet scene, it’s kicking off… How did you guys introduce yourselves? Was it like, “WE ARE… COLD… PUMAS!”
PF: When you hear a band do it, you’re like “Just play.”. Especially if it’s a band that’s not quite in that world but want to be in that world, it’s pretty funny.
MEGA bloks or Lego?
Oliver Fisher (Guitar): Lego definitely, I don’t even know what MEGA Bloks are.
PF: I’d say Playmobil over Lego.
What about Playskool?
PF: Never had that…
How was the set?
OF: It was, err, it was okay.
Did you just say it was shit and it was okay?!
PF: Is that Nash over there?!
OF: Oh yeah, it is Kate Nash!
PF: That’s Nash!
Dan Reeves (Guitar): I can see Nash’s bum!
PF: She’s playing in her ‘punk’ band. Doesn’t it look like she’s wearing a “My First Punk Outfit”? She’s an absolute darling.
My first studded belt.
PF: She just totally looked Kev (Bass, Male Bonding) up and down just then.
She’s also has a streak in her hair!
PF: That’s cos she’s punk!
Nah, it’s a political statement, it’s like “Fuck Obama!”
OF: Look at her DMs (Doctor Martens) too; they’re some kind of political statement.
PF: They’re Cons (Converse) mate!
Someone should take a picture of Kev and Nash together!
OF: Who’s Kevin Nash?
Kevin Nash is the wrestler…
(Laughter from all sides.)
So what is your view on journalism?
OF: In this form it’s fine.
DR: A lot of the time it isn’t.
Journalism’s a plucky bitch. You gotta carry her around and it just drains your arm strength.
PF: It’s molded for other people’s pleasure.
OF: I think it’s stupid that stupid people are able to do journalism.
I’m a very stupid person.
OF: I was referring to you of course.
And just like that, Male Bonding took to the stage and we all fled from our cozy interview grass patch to the main stage where the Dalston trio played.

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