If I needed to exact revenge on my mortal enemy, I'd bind their hands and pry their eyes open, like in Clockwork Orange, and force them to watch Paloma Faith perform in Hyde Park. I've been racking my brain for the past few minutes, and I honestly can't think of something more cruel to subject a person to.
However, I seem to be in the minority, because the folks who attended Paloma's September 2014 concert in Hyde Park appear to have done so of their own volition. In fact, one couple were so moved by the unfunny panel show scenery warbling a song that's only ever been played on Radio 2, that the woman started noshing off the man!
Lisanne Beck, 47, got on her knees and fellated Simon Murphy, 48. And who can blame them? When you're witnessing a woman dressed like war-time propaganda singing lounge jazz, what else can you do but take your partner's penis in your mouth?
During sentencing Judge Charles Wide QC told the couple they "both need to be taught a lesson by being fined" for this "particularly revolting behaviour". The couple must each pay £1,000 by November or be jailed. They must also pay £1,750 each to cover court costs.