Epically Bad Collaborations


Written by Olivia Patt
29 Monday 29th August 2011

First up is Mick Jagger and David Bowie’s take on 'Dancing In The Street'. In a similar vein to Jay-Z and Kanye, it should have been good. It should have been great. Turns out, when mixed, the innovative genius of Bowie and the raw magnetism of Jagger just descends into a swirling homoerotic mess of ridiculous dancing, offensive outfits and weird 80s “blips”.

How about Snoop Dogg, Soulja Boy and Talib Kweli producing a song featuring Doc Rendezvous, aka Buzz Aldrin? Yep, that’s right; Aldrin, the first man to walk on the moon. Released in 2009, 'Rocket Experience' was created to try and interest the youth of America in space travel once more, according to Aldrin, then 79. The sheer unlikeliness of it is amazing enough, but add to that the fact that the song is just plain awful, and you have yourself perhaps one of the worst musical collaborations of all time. However, having seen Aldrin in 30 Rock, we all know the man has a sense of humour, and here at Don’t Panic HQ we just love us a bit of Snoop, so we like to think they knew how bad it was. It’s tongue in cheek. Maybe.

Up next is the collaboration that bought us most joy in the office - Phil Collins and Bone Thugz n Harmony. I mean, come on. It doesn’t get much better than that. Everything about it is deliciously awful: the song, the outfits, the poor quality video and the fact that Phil looks like he’s been photoshopped in. To our delight, it turns out that there is in fact a whole hip hop album inspired by the work of Phil Collins called Urban Renewal, with the likes of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, TQ and Dane Bowers performing Phil’s greatest hits. I listened to them all. The standout track? The wrist-slittingly crap 'In The Air Tonite' by Lil Kim, actually featuring the great man himself. Worth a listen just for the novelty value of the fact that Kim and Phil are probably exactly the same height and circumference.

There’s a whole sub species of bad collaborations that we haven’t even touched on yet – good artists that get together with bad artists to cover a great song the good artist did and make it terrible. Prime examples are Five and Queen with 'We Will Rock You', in which Five rap, wear plastic trenchcoats, and their weak voices do the anthem absolutely no jusice whatsoever. Even worse perhaps, is the version of 'Signed, Sealed, Delivered' that Stevie Wonder and Angie Stone recorded with Blue. Two legends and one classic song, destroyed by the squealing vocals of Lee Ryan and a horrifically clichéd video filmed on a rooftop. The aural equivalent of a car crash you feel forced to look at out of sheer revulsion.


There’s a million more we could mention – Texas and Method Man. Ozzy Osbourne and Miss Piggy. Ozzy Osbourne and Kelly Osbourne. But we won’t do that to you poor tasteful, discerning souls. Unless, of course, you find yourselves clicking on those links. It’s addictive. We could listen until our ears fell off.


Any disappointing collaborations we missed? Pop them in the comments section below.

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