LET'S TALK ABOUT...COUNTRY MUSIC

Let's Talk About...Country Music
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LET'S TALK ABOUT...COUNTRY MUSIC



Written by Jack Blocker
01 Friday 01st August 2014

It's typical for us Europeans to turn our romanesque, wine-wafting noses up at the very mention of the words 'Country Music.' The thought of rednecks singing about drinking, gun rights, Jesus, domestic beer, kissing/holding hands, momma's cooking and generally having a good time with a load of other white people just doesn't sit right with our progressive, forward-thinking values.

We want meaning and depth to our music, as well as artists with fractured souls and pain in their hearts. Lately, I've realised that all of us have enough heartbreak, sadness and generally shitty situations in our own lives that we don't need to make it worse by listening to FKA Twigs. If I'm going to use music as an escape, I at least want to escape to a place where the beer flows, the thinking stops and crushing on a preacher's daughter earns you the same amount of cred you'd get in London for running train on Rita Ora. I'm talking country music. And if you too no longer want to be a bleak sad-sack I suggest you get on board too. Here's a handy guide to the Country stars you need to know about!

Toby Keith

TK caused quite a stir after 9/11 when he wrote a song called Courtesy Of The Red White And Blue, which went on to define US foreign policy for the next 10 years. If you're wondering what the star-spangled banner's courtesy was about, it had to do with extensive carpet bombings of the middle east and boots going up arab buttholes.

Toby's calmed down a lot since then, prefering to write songs about getting shit-hammered on farm acreage, farm acreage itself, mid-week alcoholism and sex in trucks. My favourite jam by TK is Made In America, which is a sweeping ode to WD40, reading the bible, domestic produce and various other things that get up the nose of people who have a post-graduate degree and too high an opinion of themselves. V culturally important no?

Thomas Rhett

Thomas is an up and coming superstar but I had to include him thanks to one song he wrote: Beer With Jesus. It's about Tom's intention to get drunk with his lord and saviour after bumping into him at the bar. Kind of like the way you would an old school friend, but instead of exchanging meaningless platitudes while trying to ascertain who's made more money since leaving school, Thomas would let Jesus explain how much of a bummer it was to die on the cross. I love it! What a good excuse to go drink by yourself, "lol not now officer I'm talking to my boy Jesus."

Kacey Musgraves

Kacey's actually been making some fairly decent waves over hear in the UK. She played during one of those annoying interstitial cuts the BBC run between sets during its Glasto coverage, sold out the Shepherds Bush Empire, and even made an appearance on Women's Hour. And if you don't think Jenny Murray is a taste-maker then you may as well go join ISIS. Kacey tends to stick to more gritty subjects like divorce, pre-marital sex and skipping church two weeks in a row. Granted, it's not exactly Immortal Technique rapping about raping his own mother, but then again, no one likes Immortal Technique, whereas Kacey has a face you'd kiss even if it had just spat at your own child.

JUST GONNA PAUSE FOR A KACEY PIC-DUMP BECAUSE SHE'S SUCH A BABE

INSTANTLY WIFE

Randy Houser

I don't know much about Randy but I do know he wrote a song called 'How Country Feels,' where he may as well replaced the word 'country' with 'this dick.' He's a good go-to option for yearning love songs that are good to dance to. So in a sense, he's the redneck version of Drake.

So give these guys a whirl when you're feeling down. Even if you don't like the music, the lyrics will give you good tips on how to be the life of the next party you go to.

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