I just came across a Youtube channel belonging to a man called Bob. I'm not sure if that's his real name, because I doubt any right-minded person would want to attribute their true identity to his chosen hobby. That's because every video on Bob's channel features him conducting an interview with a cardboard cut-out of Lana Del Rey.
Naturally, you're probably asking 'why?' Is it because Bob is a stalker or a child molester? Possibly. Is it because he is just, like, super into Lana? Who knows. Either way, I wouldn't share a cab with Bob, even if he offered to pay. Motivations aside, let's examine a few of these interviews at face value.
In this one, he makes a 'knock knock' joke that unfolds thusly:
"Lana the free, home of the brave"
In this one, he reviews Lana's recently released album 'Honeymoon.' It's not that exciting, although his impression of LDR is unnervingly accurate. Following his adept mimicry, he begins to purr, rubbing his head on cardboard Lana like a cat waiting for food. It is, I will confidently say, a terrible site to see.
And now we reach my personal favourite. I say "favourite" purely to denote this video from the others, not because I enjoy it the most. Perhaps a more accurate descriptor would be to say this is the video that would spurr me to call the police if I happened to live on the same street as Bob.
In it, Bob celebrates his birthday with 'Lana.' We learn that Bob is 58, suggesting he's old enough to have held positions of employment which would have brought him into contact with other adults - maybe even children. Yet here he is, celebrating the end of his sixth decade not in a jail cell, but in the comfort of his den, accompanied by one of his many Lana Del Rey faces.
And what can you say about that? Consider Bob, a man with a passion, albeit a strange one, who has channeled his bizarre love into an ostensibly creative outlet. If it wasn't for the internet, I'm sure Bob would have been arrested for simulating sex with a mannequin in Sears. Yet, thanks to vlogging, he's been able to pursue his bizarre practice without harming anything but the minds of the people who watch.
So here's to you Bob. You may not be young, but you are still beautiful.
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