It's getting to the point in the year when every website on the internet compiles a list containing 'The Best Songs of 2015', or something similar. Not only are they a good way for insufferable online journalists like myself to deliver their garbage opinion on a wholly subjective topic, they also give readers a chance to engage in pathetic comment section arguments with strangers about the wrongful inclusion of 'Bitch Better Have My Money', or whatever. Everybody wins!
This year, however, Don't Panic has decided to swim against this raging content stream for one simple reason: We all know Justin Bieber's 'What Do You Mean?' is the best song of the year. It's not even on contest. You're entitled to a different opinion, but it's wrong. I know that's harsh but I'm afraid that's just the way it is, and I'm willing to talk shit to any naysayers in the comment section if they're dumb enough to step up to the plate. What? You wanna throw hands son? Bring it. I'm ready. Instead, we've elected to rank the best CDs, EPs, and demos that have been mailed to the office over the past few months by up-and-comers, mixtape warriors, obscure death-core labels, old school hustlers, and chamber music quintets who don't know the internet exists.
Unfortunately, I don't have a CD drive on my laptop. Bummer.
Listening to all of this music, let alone ranking it, has been nigh on impossible. The order that follows has largely been determined by factors unrelated to the music, unless the music in question is on YouTube. Without further ado, here are the Best CDs Sent To The Don't Panic Office In 2015 / The Last Few Months!
Cas - Commercial 2
Cas is probably the biggest name on this list. The masked rapper has risen to relative fame thanks to ice cold lyrics about the awful state of the world, coupled with a social media game that keeps him at just the right level of obscurity. He clearly relishes it there, because he's sending out his latest EP in tape form. Like a literal cassette tape. I don't know what he expects anyone to do with it. It's landed him at the bottom of the list.
Heg & The Wolf Chorus
Looks like this group might have a pan flute in the line up. Possible Kate Bush tribute if the ethereal nymph child on the cover is anything to go by. I just watched the below video. Feeling it.
Even though the sleeve looks like something on a Tom Vek B-side, the press release said ANTIPI blended genres the lamestream internet hates, like death metal and death core. Seeing as I can't find any of their music on YouTube, I'm prone to beileve them. Still, they get extra points for delivering the most professional looking CD. It's covered in plastic - I love it!
At first I thought Ellekaye was a good ol' fashioned screamo band with a lead singer who looked like a Hollister model (but with hand tatts). On closer insepction of the title of the video I had found, it was actually a band called Ella Kaye. This is Ellekaye:
Not bad, but seeing as I initially thought they pig-squealed songs about getting dumped at the mall, there was no way I could place the actual band any higher than this.
Hills N' Pills - Delicious Nourriture
Oh my god. These guys are like a French System of a Down. They also sing in broken English and drop a lot of swears, which I really dig. This is the best on the list so far.
Joe Booley - Trouble
Shout out man like Joe Booley for sending us a sharpie-marked blank of his EP. I'm just impressed no one threw it in the trash with all the other classified data we're forced to destroy thanks to the prying eyes of HMRC. Haha, I'm just kidding! Or am I lol...
Glancing at the band's name, I'd have guessed 'fly in plane piloted by Bruce Dickinson' topped the bucket list of every member of Fred & The Living Deads.
Turns out I was wrong. I don't think these guys have touched a pint of Trooper in their lives. In fact, they're pretty sick, and could definitely fill an afternoon slot at Warped Tour while everyone decides what Parkway Drive merch to buy.
Kopper 8 - Addiction
Stained-glass windows? Check. Imposing tomb? Check. Catholic corpse cardinal with devil goat horns? Triple check. Ding ding ding we have a winner!
To make things even better, their YouTube footprint consists entirely of grotty phone footage from basement shows on the Continent. 10/10.
Gloomy Hellium Bath - Sistema Solera
Now this really is my jam. The cover looks like the cover of Limp Bizkit's first album, had it been drawn by Spanish crusties in a campsite on the outskirts of Marseille. The track itself is kind of unlistenable, but I enjoy the conviction.
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