Shake It Off - Taylor Swift


Written by Jack Blocker
18 Monday 18th August 2014

Scientists have turned their gaze to the sky and determined that a giant asteroid is hurtling toward the earth at a terrific speed. Don't worry about making those pained calls to your loved ones just yet, because you still have about 800 years before you have to say your goodbyes.

But what if a mysterious hand were to guide us on a path to a faster fate? How would we contemplate our remaining hours if some great shift advanced the moment of impact to next week? Or to the day after tomorrow?

More importantly, I wondered what we'd really lose if planet earth ended this afternoon??? Then this popped up on my feed:

Taylor Swift isn't everyone's cup of tea. For reasons I don't understand, a lot of people disapprove of engineered, mass-produced pop sung by ridiculously attractive women. They want experimental periods, inconsistency, Panda Bear LPs and Blood Orange sets.

Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather a Stella than a pint of Pistonhead, because there's a reason the former's been around for about 600 years and the other one tastes like Fairy Liquid. It's a recipe for success so they've stuck to it, and that's also why girls like Taylor, Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande churn out burnished mega-hits that shit all over any critically acclaimed 'side-project.'

I really dig Taylor's new one, as it follows the tried and true 'fudge the haters' formula, slamming the remaining zealous religious factions and aged members of the GOP who disapprove of her 'outrageous' lifestyle. I know it's the unrepentant, rebellious slice of DGAF that I'd want playing in my ear when I stick two fingers up at that giant rock in the sky.

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