SOME GRAMMY AWARDS THAT WENT OFF WITHOUT A FUCKING HITCH

Some Grammy Awards That Went Off Without A Fucking Hitch
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SOME GRAMMY AWARDS THAT WENT OFF WITHOUT A FUCKING HITCH



Written by Jack Blocker
09 Monday 09th February 2015

It may seem hard to believe, but there was also a rash of other awards delivered without interruption at the event. There were even guests in attendance who'd never plagiarised a song or erased the importance of black issues while appropriating black culture. In short, certain things went off without a fucking hitch. Just clean, well-executed awards for music that inspires no debate and causes no division. In these trying times, surely we can all get behind that?

For the sake of transparency, here are those winners:

Best Dance Recording: Clean Bandit Featuring Jess Glynne - Rather Be

A beer (or two lol) plus good mates X Rather Be = Getting on it!!!

You can't really argue this one. Clean Bandit make you want to dance. I don't think it's even a stretch to say this is the best Dance song of all time. Maybe even the best song of all time. If this award was presented ten times over, I'd be comfortable telling you that Clean Bandit would win again and again.

Best Country Album: Miranda Lambert - Platinum

This is Miranda Lambert

I don't know who Miranda Lambert is, but I bet Platinum was great - that's probably why she won for Best Country Album. Think Iggy Azalea should have won? Fuck off.

Best Comedy Album: Weird Al Yankovic - Mandatory Fun

Weird Al at last night's awards

Not only do I refuse to believe this is a category, I refuse to believe there'd be any other contender besides Weird Al if it actually existed. As it is, Weird Al took the award, so it makes total sense.

Best Spoken Word Album: Joan Rivers - Diary Of A Mad Diva

Joan Rivers: Unable to collect Grammy

What's Kanye going to do? Interrupt Joan while she accepts the Grammy for best spoken word album? I doubt it. Not only because it was above an away the best spoken word album of the year, but also because she's dead. Sit down Yeezy.

Best Country Solo Performance: Carrie Underwood - Something In The Water

Carrie Underwood at the Grammys

Carrie Underwood won the 2005 edition of American Idol. She also happened to win a Grammy last night. Suspicious? I'll let you decide (hint: you're not).

Best Traditional R&B Performance: Robert Glasper Experiment Featuring Lalah Hathaway & Malcolm-Jamal Warner - Jesus Children

No idea who this Robert Glasper is, so here's Odell Beckham's filthy snatch!

Given her respect for the artistry and professed belief in Jesus, you'd think the Grammy judges would have shoe-horned Beyonce into this category and given her the gong. After all, they wouldn't want another 'Now Taylor, Imma let you finish' incident on their hands.

But while lesser panels would have folded, the powers that be not only refused to nominate Queen Bey, they gave the award to the Robert Glasper Experiment Featuring Lalah Hathaway & Malcolm-Jamal Warner. Notice how Kanye was pretty quiet during this one lol.

Best Metal Performance: Tenacious D - The Last In Line

Haha good stuff

I can't see why die-hard metal fans would have a problem with this award going to a gag band who haven't been relevant for 12 years or funny in forever. Who would they give it to instead? Exmortus? Gross.

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