THE WEEK ACCORDING TO... GOLDIE LOOKIN CHAIN

The Week According to... Goldie Lookin Chain
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THE WEEK ACCORDING TO... GOLDIE LOOKIN CHAIN



Written by Dan Haze
10 Friday 10th November 2017

In 'The Week According To...', we ask musicians, artists and persons of interest their views and opinions on the week's singles, viral videos and news clips.

This Week : Newport’s finest rap exports Goldie Lookin Chain! Answered by Rhys 

 

Selena Gomez on her Kidney Transplant

So I'm under the impression she only did this to prove she is human and I'm still not convinced. Seriously though, it's an amazing thing to do for anyone. I wouldn't do it for Eggsy, so well done to Selena for doing this. It's pretty extreme thing for record sales, considering Dappy just got his nob out.

 

TWICE "LIKEY" M/V 

What the fuck is this? Seriously is if from 2003 or do they not have Go Pros or selfie sticks in the Far East? I thought they would have at least got some knock off ones from Hong Kong or don't they do that since Chris Patten gave it away? What's with the camcorder? To be fair it sounds great and if I knew what they were on about it would be even better.

 

Taylor Swift - Ready For It 

After ripping off Right Said Fred, Tay is now ripping off the Ghost in The Shell remake (the original was like so much better, it almost made me cry and not just coz the actual Ghost in the Shell original was actually called Mobile Armoured Riot Police). Not only that, this is rubbish. She needs to shake it off and get back together with whoever wrote her earlier songs. I bet she thinks this is edgy like when Madonna dyed her hair in the 90s. I actually like Tay and I felt sorry for her when she split up with Chris Packham from the BBC TV show The Night Porter.

 

Kevin Spacey Apoligizes over Sexual Advance 

I always felt there was something sinister about Kev.

 

The Woman behind the Breastfeeding Emoji

Fine, so there is a breastfeeding emoji. Is there a jizzing emoji? No. You have to get the Egg Plant and the splash emoji and then put the explosion at the end. Why can't there just be the three drop? It would make it like far easier for teenage boys and other age demographics too. Who makes this up? If you look at ancient Egypt, in their hieroglyphs and petroglyphs it's all about jizz and ass to mouth sex, not one hieroglyph about getting on the nipple.

 

Driving the Worlds Fastest Car in 360 Video

This is boring; it's like top gear on the BBC since Clarkson left after he beat up that guy for giving him a sandwich. Who cares about some old people and a car they can never find a parking space for at Waitrose? I bet they all had Meccano and still have it in their lofts from when they were kids. They probably made Airfix models of a Harrier Jump Jet and actually painted it.

 

Travis Scott - Butterfly Effect 

This is one DJ Khaled didn't want to put his name to then. It's like the music you make when you are baked on super strong skunk and forgot you even made. There is nothing like a good T Pain auto tune rap but everyone is doing it. Auto tune was made by a dude who invented it by accident while working on an oil rig using sonar and now we have this crap. Still, it gives them something to play at fresher’s week.

 

Selena Gomez, Marshmellow - Wolves 

Selena one kidney Gomez is back with another song... is it about a van? Nope. Live and learn Gomez.

 

The Americans Who Can't Read

I thought this was an episode of Teen Mom. To be honest, it could have been. America is a big place, they say if you give a monkey infinity and a typewriter the monkey will find a car and rip off the windscreen wipers. I'm sure there are some Americans who have never even heard of Coldplay so it's not all bad... 

 

 

Goldie Lookin Chain’s twentieth album, Fear Of A Welsh Planet is out now and they play Tramshed, Cardiff on Fri 8 December and OSLO, London on Sat 9 December. More info: www.youknowsit.co.uk

 

Check out their latest song 'Netflix in Bed' below 

 

 
 
 

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