20 YEARS AFTER NEW LABOUR'S LANDSLIDE: 8 PROBLEMS THAT WERE PROBABLY TONY BLAIR’S FAULT

20 Years After New Labour's Landslide: 8 Problems That Were Probably Tony Blair’s Fault
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20 YEARS AFTER NEW LABOUR'S LANDSLIDE: 8 PROBLEMS THAT WERE PROBABLY TONY BLAIR’S FAULT



Written by Jake Moss
02 Tuesday 02nd May 2017

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20 years ago this week, a victorious Tony Blair stood in front of 10 Downing Street and spat lies to his public; his PR sheen and sickly soundbites would deceive the nation at every turn. It would come to form a pattern throughout his time in power and ever since; the words he said were lies, anything bad that happened in the world was probably down to him.

Of course, it’s easy to blame Tony Blair for a lot of of the bad things that have happened since his rise to power. And that’s mainly because they’re all his fault. In fact, has a bad thing happened to you or someone you know at any point in the last 20 years? Well, now you know who to blame.

Here are 8 things that are without question the fault of the man who would come to be known to some as “Tony B. Liar”, "Teflon Tony" to many and to others simply as “Tony Blair”.

Woolworths closing

Blah blah blah, Blair’s government didn’t do enough to control the bankers, blah blah blah, that led to the recession. We’ve heard it all before, but don’t be so blind to the most pressing point of all; Woolworths was forced to close. Where else could you simultaneously buy pick-and-mix, a toaster and a DVD of Shrek 2? Well, Tesco’s, but that’s besides the point. RIP Woolworths - another victim of Tony Blair’s reign of terror.

The break-up of Oasis

Oasis was the biggest band in Britain when they visited Downing Street to congratulate Tony Blair on his election victory. A mere 12 years later, the band split. A coincidence? Well, the reasons given were laryngitis and fighting; two classic hallmarks of Blair’s handiwork.

David Beckham’s red card against Argentina at France ‘98

After Euro ‘96, England was riding high on a wave of footballing goodwill. They’d reached the semi-final on home turf and would’ve won it, if it weren’t for not being as good as the Germans at the game. Roll on World Cup ‘98, we all said. Let’s win the bloody thing, we said. But with the saboteur Blair in charge and desperate to avoid any detraction from his first year in power, England had no chance. Fast-forward to the second round against Argentina and Blair’s half-time team talk convincing David Beckham to get himself sent off in return for a knighthood - of course, yet another lie from Blair. The tactic worked and England were knocked out on penalties again. They haven’t got beyond the quarter-final of a major tournament since and have you ever heard Blair complain about it? Not likely because it was all part of his plan.
 
The UK not winning Eurovision since 1997

The day after Tony Blair became Prime Minister, Great Britain won the Eurovision Song Contest. 20 long years have passed and we haven’t won it since. Now, the real casualty of Brexit is that we may never win it again. Could the reason for the UK leaving the EU be partly down to the failure of Blair’s centrist politics? By extension, has Blair cost us Eurovision? Was this his intention all along? So many questions, so few answers. Although, knowing Blair, the answers are almost definitely all yes.


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