3 PLACES THERESA MAY WILL HIDE DURING THE GENERAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN

3 Places Theresa May Will Hide During The General Election Campaign
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3 PLACES THERESA MAY WILL HIDE DURING THE GENERAL ELECTION CAMPAIGN



Written by Dont Panic
03 Wednesday 03rd May 2017

During this general election campaign, prime minister Theresa May has been heavily criticised for avoiding voters, cramming public events with party supporters and doing generally anything to avoid meaningful scrutiny. After all, who'd want to risk a nice lead in the polls all for the sake of *pfft* democracy? We had a look through May's itinerary to see if she really is laying low...

North Korea

May's pal Donald has been in power in the U.S. for 100 days now, she feels bad about his lack of domestic achievements and worries about his clash with North Korea leader Kim Jong un. With a few free days during the general election, she'll de-escelate tensions by visiting the pariah state; May will study the Juche principles of self reliance in case a Brexit deal fails, share lessons in strong and stable leadership with Jong un and find out how to create an even more toothless free press. That journalists are commonly not allowed into the country is a sad coincidence.

Outer space

As part of her campaign itinerary, May has pencilled in a few days aboard the International Space Station. The purpose of her visit is multi-pronged; May wishes to expand her hope of creating a 'global' Britain by instead building an 'intergalactic Britain', keen to build links with aliens; to prove to Jean-Claude Juncker she can demonstrate strong and stable leadership even from a 'different galaxy'; plus to become the First Vicar's Daughter In Space. The fact that publications - even Buzzfeed! - lack money to send reporters into space is by the by.

Titanic's ruins

May suffers problems with PR, namely that she appears awkward, haughty and downright evil to any normal person she comes across. To counter this, May will show how close her tastes are to the everyman's, that she's not so different from you or I; what's for dinner? Chips. How's the conversation? Slightly xenophobic. What's on the TV? 1997 silver screen mega-hit Titanic. Yep, this cinematic opiate of the people is one May will really delve into as she visits the site of the ship crash; she'll demonstrate strong and stable leadership as she hunts for Jack's skeleton and nod in approval at the hundreds of dead migrants the ship contained. Shame you can't host an interview beneath water, journos.

Where do you think May will visit as she avoids the general public? Let us know in the comments...

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