5 OF THE MOST RIDICULOUS ELECTION POSTERS

5 of the Most Ridiculous Election Posters
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5 OF THE MOST RIDICULOUS ELECTION POSTERS



Written by Jake Moss
22 Monday 22nd May 2017

Election-time is the one time when each party’s PR department gets to go all-out wacky, in an attempt to catch the eye of any potential voters. But what this really means is a whole lot of ill-advised and bizarre election posters for us to enjoy - hooray! Have a butchers at this hand-picked, expertly curated selection of some of the strangest posters from elections past.

Labour’s “Tory Triple Whammy”

This wondrous creation from the current election is based on the notorious Conservative poster attacking Labour for their “double whammy” of “more taxes” and “higher prices” back in 1992. However, Labour haven’t taken into account a variety of issues this 2017 update raises. For a start, why would a boxing glove need a pair of boxing gloves? Surely, boxing is the only scenario he’s suitably equipped for? Also, who has produced this poor human boxing glove? Is he the victim of some sort of cruel laboratory experiment? Perhaps he’s the result of an attempt to genetically modify the ultimate boxer, which has gone horribly wrong. A misinformed scientist combining some of Anthony Joshua’s cells with those of a glove to create this horrific Frankenstein’s monster - a disgusting glove-man-beast. This wretched soul, denied any sort of quality of life, is doomed to spend his days doing PR work for the Labour Party, until he pleads for death or his glove-shaped heart eventually gives out. RIP you glove monstrosity - you knew not love nor joy. Only pain.

UKIP’s “Three Escalators”

Again, the theory here seems to be: put three of something on a poster and that’ll do. Back in 2015, Nigel Farage backed this poster to take UKIP to victory. The party’s popularity was the driving force towards the EU referendum, so it doesn’t seem like a huge stretch to directly blame this poster for Brexit. This poster with it’s three fucking escalators. With it’s stupid fucking caption, which says “three times higher” above a picture of something which is not three times higher than anything - there’s three separate escalators! Is there three of them? Yes! But they’re all the same height! It doesn’t make any sense! Good Lord, why have you forsaken us with this stupid fucking poster?!

In all fairness, the cliffs do look nice though.

The Scottish Tories Go After Blair

In the Scottish parliamentary elections of 1999, the Tories used this poster to attack Tony Blair and actually secured them far more seats than they were expected to win. However, for Scottish dyslexics, this poster’s effects were severely limited. In fact, among the dyslexic Scottish population, this poster instead reinforced Blair’s popularity by displaying a big picture of his face with his name emblazoned beside it in a lovely bold yellow font. Instead, many believed this poster was an advert for a “best of” compilation album of Blair’s best prog-rock hits. It would be this devastating confusion amongst dyslexic Scots that would ultimately fire Blair’s Labour Party to victory.

The Tories Attack a Potential Labour-SNP Coalition

When this poster depicting a grotesque political Russian doll was released by the Conservatives in the run-up to the 2015 election, it certainly caught the eye and raised plenty of questions. At the top of the pile, of course, was the issue on everyone’s lips: was it a giant Alex Sammond or was it a tiny Ed Miliband? Perhaps it was both? Soon, our questions would be emphatically answered, when a giant Godzilla-esque Alex Sammond stamped his way across the country to the House of Commons, crushing whole towns under his giant M&S brogues and leading to unprecedented bloodshed. And who can forget when tiny Ed Miliband finally broke free from the prison of Alex Sammond’s sweaty pocket? Of course, giant Alex Sammond was humanely destroyed by a tactical assault from SAS helicopters. But what of tiny Ed Miliband? What of the former Labour leader the size of a vole? Some say he was crushed underfoot during the chaos. Others say he now runs a successful miniature souvenir shop in Harwich. Perhaps we will never truly know...

The Conservatives Mock Labour’s Ludicrous Policy on “Arms”

In 1987, the Conservatives used this poster to display Labour’s frankly ludicrous policy on arms, which was simply: keep them completely straight at all times. It’s no wonder the Tories won - and it wasn’t just because their voters could actually stand comfortably in the voting booths. Labour’s ridiculous anti-elbow measures never caught on, and it’s easy to see why - they were entirely impractical. While cartwheeling was left mostly unaffected, enforced straight-arming made everyday tasks almost impossible - especially tea-drinking, which became a dangerous pursuit left solely to daredevils, maniacs and burns victims. As an experiment, I’ve tried typing this paragraph with completely straight arms and it’s taken absolutely ages. You could argue that it’s gone quite well, but I actually intended this article to be released in time for the last election. Two years I’ve been sat typing in this chair. My loved ones have given up all hope for me. Now, they can do nothing but weep. Weep for me and my straight, straight arms.

 

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