London is now so awful a place that the only way we can stand it is by regressing to a bizarre, childlike state. The realities of adult life are all too much, so we must temper the burden by eating Froot Loops at the Cereal Cafe on Brick Lane, hopping in adult only ball-pits, and by discovering which Sabrina The Teenage Witch character best suits our awful personality, via a Buzzfeed quiz.
This legion of man-children hop-scotching across the city was even given a name last year. Cutesters. To many people, Cutesters seem like day-glo bellends, well versed in Nickelodeon nostalgia and only one Silicon Roundabout redundancy away from full-blown noncery. As such, every new pop-up/supper club/box social/kindergarten wine mixer which emerges to satisfy their needs seems rather unsettling.
And with this in mind; Step forward the Adults Only Playground™ in Hackney! On August 29, Kids Adventure Play, Spring Lane, Hackney, will be reserved for people over the age of 18. According to the press plug on London 24, "Many grown-ups feel uncomfortable going into kids’ areas unless there with a child, yet wish they could experience swinging and clambering on climbing frames again."
Look at the first half of that sentence. What does that mean? Are there sections of adult society sheepishly playing on jungle gyms in East London, wishing they could get rid of the stigma attached to surrounding themselves with the children of strangers? Have they formed some sort of alliance, arguing for their right to play in children's playgrounds? Are they also campaigning for nap time at work? In a perfect world, would their mums still wipe their arses?
But if you're on their side. Head to the playground on August 29. Proceeds from the event go to charity, too. Which makes it slightly less weird. Maybe.