Arresting the Pope


13 Monday 13th September 2010
As the Pope will be visiting us plebs on the 16 September, Richard Dawkins and his team of lawyers have been pushing to get a warrant for his arrest for his Crimes Against Humanity. Parliament, however, think it's more trouble than it's worth, and have stopped the paperwork from going any further through the system. Here's what Don’t Panic think a charge list of Pope Benedict XVI’s crimes may contain.
Thursday 16th September 2010
Marylebone Police Station
1-9 Seymour Street
From the desk of Officer R Judge
Pope Benedict XVI, birth name Joseph Alois Ratzinger, is hereby taken into custody by Her Majesty's Royal Police Service due to Crimes Against Humanity, as listed below.
1985: Ignoring pleas to defrock Priest Stephen Kiesle, who had sexually abused two boys in Rossmoor, USA. Also writing to churches in the US to approach the matter of defrocking with “great caution” and to think of the “good of the Universal Church”, rather than thinking of the good of the abuse victims.
1986: After coming into the knowledge of the abuse of several boys being carried out in a parish in Germany between 1974 and 1986 by Father Peter Hullerman, instead of handing him over to the authorities, Ratzinger instead simply moved him to a different Parish in Munich, and allowed him to resume his pastoral duties there.
2005: Accused of covering up molestation of two boys in Mexico. Sought immunity and obtained it only after intervention from then President George W. Bush.
Due his position as Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith between 1981 and 2005, Ratzinger had jurisdiction over issues involving clerical sexual misconduct. In this position he would have been fully aware of the cases listed below. It is apparent that he failed to do his duty, follow up allegations and notify the proper authorities when coming into knowledge of these crimes.
1950-1974: Rev. Lawrence Murphy is accused, and confesses, of sexually abusing around 200 boys in the US State of Wisconsin, at the former St John school for the Deaf where he was working. The abuse usually taking the form of being undressed and touched, and would take place in Murphy's office, the dormitories, school trips as well as various other locations.
1996: After receiving many complaints about Murphy, the Archbishop of Milwaukee wrote two letters directly to Ratzinger to ask for something to be done, which were ignored.
1996: Stopped Murphy from going to trial for his crimes after receiving a letter from Murphy himself stating that he 'wasn't well'.
1950-1980: Around 64 pupils abused at a school for the deaf in Verona, Italy. 24 named adults have since been accused of sexual abuse, paedophilia and corporal punishment.
1975-1984: Sexual abuse of around 30 pupils at a renowned Jesuit school in Germany, including caning, spanking and masturbation.
1975-2004: Irish 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy. Well known throughout Vatican, and ignored.
1985-1987: Rev. Johannes Bauer physically abused boys, both sexually and by beating them. He was quoted admitting to using “objects” on the boys. He has also since found to have large quantities of child pornography stored on his computer, and has uploaded pictures of the school boys from the school in Ettal, where he worked, onto homosexual pornography websites.
You will be tried at one of Her Majesty's Courts in London in the near future. Until a date has been decided, you will be detained in a holding cell at a high-security station near Edgware Road. You may hire your own lawyer. If not, we will provide one for you. Time for you to come with us. And you can take that stupid hat off and all.

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