Bad Album Covers


Written by Dan Hampson
06 Sunday 06th November 2011

So a couple of weeks ago, Julian Casablancas, the lead singer of noted alt-rockers The Strokes, tweeted this image (below), claiming it as the new cover for their as yet unnamed forthcoming album.  The seriousness of the claim bears little relevance now, as merely by releasing the image into the public arena Casablancas has shown it to actually exist. I mean, for fucks sake, I don’t even know where to start. The effete clown? The omniscient goat? The not-at-all-worryingly-stereotypical black guy? The fact they are all sitting in what appear to be fucking mine carts? We can only hope he has the balls to follow through. Julian, I'll stand you a coke if you do.

Kanye West’s ego is so famously large that it actually has it’s own gravitational pull, sucking lesser egos in to its orbit and creating a veritable solar system of arrogance, at the centre of which sits West, orchestrating all with a terrible omnipotence. The (mercifully banned) artwork for his 2010 album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is a piece by the highly respected American visual artist George Condo, who took complete leave of both his senses and artistic direction to create an image that presumably represents West's 'Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy'. Said fantasy involves Kanye, (portrayed as a demon, angsty) being straddled by a naked, winged, armless female phoenix. The whole thing makes the "I'mma let you finish" debacle seem positively pedestrian.

I found the next gem after performing a perfunctory google search and once I saw it, I couldn't look away. As in, I tried but physically couldn't. So many questions formed in my (now blown) mind. What life changingly deep thoughts are occuring behind those glazed grey eyes? What happened to the handle bar moustache as a credible look? Where can I buy a cream suit, like right now? Can any of these questions ever be answered? Only Ken knows. Probably.

I think this one represents something of a pinnacle in human artistic endeavour/basic photoshop skills. American Rap has thrown up some notable and hugely important cultural landmarks in the last 30 years but I think this Pooh Man (Not to be confused with DJ Pooh or Big Pooh) cover is strong enough to earn him a place amongst the pantheon of the greats. That single deadpan expression says a thousand smutty words.

I'll leave you with this. No words necessary.

I don't think there's much more to be said. Props to Jack Sharp for alerting us to the last two.

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