Tom Washington was so enamoured with the gag that he thought he'd permanently etch the upper portion of the puppet's face onto the skin above his penis. So even if Tom is telling the truth, he can blame his unexpected tumescence on the little man above his member. I doubt that would hold up in court following an indecent exposure charge, but given Tom's behaviour in the following story, he seems like the sort who thinks it would.
Tom and 22 (!) of his mates were recently on a Jet2.com flight from East Midlands Airport to Majorca when the incident took place. Seeing as Tom has a tattoo of Pinocchio on his penis and travels to Majorca with 22 friends, you can imagine they were fucking wrecked when they boarded the plane. In fact, here he is on the very same flight, dressed as a woman:
According to Tom, some friends mentioned something about Tom's tatt to this elderly gent, who was unsurprisingly intrigued. When he exposed the art, an airline stewardess kicked Tom off the flight. What a spoil sport. The fact Tom was mimicking the safety announcement by using a sex toy as a mic didn't cheer her up either. After an enforced flight home and a slap on the wrists, Jet2 banned him for life:
"We carry millions of families every year so this disgusting behaviour will not be tolerated. It is totally unacceptable. We pride ourselves on giving our customers a friendly and relaxing flight experience so we will take action against anyone who causes offence and disruption to our crew and passengers."
Although I've never met him, and would rather learn urdu in a sauna than split a cab with him, I like Tom. He represents the large portion of Britain who've countered a lack of opportunity by embracing a sense of consequence-free hedonism. In these trying times, what's the use of fretting? If the best is yet to come, or more accurately, unlikely to show up at all, then drink that extra shot, book that budget flight abroad and get Pinocchio tattooed above your cock.
Bollocks to it. Bollocks to everything.