Bizarre Christmas Gifts


Written by Jack Sharp
12 Monday 12th December 2011

Fortunately, this isn’t the case quite yet, and tell help you avoid this dilemma, we’ve put together this very classy guide to help you pick the perfect, most usefless gifts available this Christmas.

Pushy Pops | Click Here to buy

Tired of difficult to hold cutlery and plates? Then why not try Pushy Pops? It’s a perfect gift for anybody you know who no longer wishes to eat using conventional methods, or for a duck.

Simply load up the tube with various foods and syringe the tightly packed cylinder of mush down your throat. No need for laborious chewing or swallowing, just allow the cake to be plungered into your mouth. The set even comes with a handy stand, so that you can line up all 12 of your ridiculous food creations and eat them one at a time, like a death row prisoner on suicide watch.

The Toilet Mug | Click here to buy

For anybody who has ever dreamed of gleefully drinking out of a toilet basin filled with brown liquid, your dreams have been answered by the Toilet Mug from Big Mouth Toys!

I know what you’re thinking. It sounds too good to be true, right? Well, according to one Amazon reviewer, apparently not. “I bought twelve of these mugs for the fancy dinnerware set we use on special occasions,” they write. “I can't wait for the holidays when company comes over and the laughs begin!”

Addressing complaints that the toilet mug appears discoloured, splotchy and yellowish-brown after use, the user continues their review, writing that this is not necessarily a bad thing. They note that the used mugs (all twelve of them, presumably) actually resemble their own soiled toilet basin, and praise the mugs wide rim because, apparently, all of their friends and relatives have spectacularly large mouths.

Rejuvenique Anti-Ageing Mask | Click Here to buy

The Rejuvenique Anti-Ageing Mask claims to tone skin and reduce the appearance of wrinkles, while also doubling up as a terrifying Michael Myers-style Halloween mask. Simply pop it on, pant heavily and wait for unsuspecting members of your family to find you.

The Rejuvenique Anti-Ageing Mask is also perfect for those looking for an intense facial workout.


Electronic Music Synthesiser Shirt | Click Here to buy

Ex-Funhouse presenter Pat Sharpe and his t-shirt-based band Body 2 Hot.

Ever wanted to jam on the go, slap some bass on the bus or appear more irritating to friends? Now you can, with the Electronic Music Synthesiser Shirt. Not only is it a functional t-shirt, it’s also a difficult to play synthesiser.

As the Japanese website that sells it boasts: “I explode by five kinds of sound” so you and your friends can start your very own t-shirt band.


FridgePad | Click Here to buy

Do you have a friend who’s accidentally bought too many iPads? Why not buy them the FridgePad, so that they can attach one to their fridge, like a child’s drawing or a fridge magnet?

The FridgePad is perfect gift for a person who literally has everything -- except for a FridgePad -- or someone who hates money, but happens to have too much of it.


Weener Kleener | Click Here to buy

As a man myself, I’ve witnessed many men walk out of a public toilet having failed to wash their hands, choosing instead to run their unclean hands through their hair. More hygienic men might choose to perform a “quickie rinse”; a few wash their hands correctly with soap and water.

Needless to say, historically, men haven’t been known for their cleanliness. But one product dares to change all that -- Weener Kleener. Just be sure to click “New” when purchasing this gift on Amazon.


Toaster Printer | Not Currently Available

The toaster is an excellent invention, but don’t you sometimes wish it could be as efficient and reliable as a PC printer, forever jamming and angrily demanding you insert more paper because it doesn’t detect the paper you’ve just put inside it? Now you can have your toast and eat it too with the Toaster Printer!


Cookie Cup | Click Here to buy

You’ve got yourself a nice warm mug of coffee and decide that you fancy a biscuit as well. But then the phone goes; you want to answer it, but you can’t do that without putting either the mug or biscuit down. Eventually, you decide to strategically balance the mug on your head, but the hot liquid spills down your face, badly scalding you. You greet the caller on the phone with angry screams of pain.

All this could have been avoided, of course, with the Cookie Cup. Simply store the cookie below the mug for moments when you need two hands. A perfect gift for anybody who didn’t like the toilet mug.


Power Pooper Scooper | Click Here to buy


A perfect gift for dog owners and/or poop enthusiasts, the Power Pooper Scooper is 10 times as efficient at picking up dog crap than a hand or twig, picking up mess with precision speed and industrial strength. Plus, the “blow” function makes this one a great gift for cantankerous old men who don’t want children on their lawn.


My Keepon | Click Here to buy

A must have gift this Christmas; My Keepon is a very cute little robot that dances to music. It’s cute and, uh, it dances to music. That’s pretty much all it does, to be honest. But it’s cute. And it dances to music. You just watch it and then comment on how cute it is. That’s pretty much appeal of My Keepon. It’s cute.

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