CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT MASSACRE

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CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT MASSACRE



17 Friday 17th July 2009
Carol Vordorman
FirstPlus

In her ‘equity release’ advertising campaign for Barclays owned FirstPlus, Carol Vorderman (trusted for her mathematical abilities) encouraged home owners to consolidate their debts into "one easy payment" secured against the value of their property – and to “splash out a bit" because "life is for living". But sales people at FirstPlus were offering to lend people more than the value of their homes, putting them into negative equity. Here’s a Countdown Conundrum Carol: OHMELESS, anyone?

 
Punishment:
Should be shackled to a remortgaged, semi-detached house and made to walk up an endless mountain of debt for all eternity.

Justin Timberlake
McDonald’s

 

How do I hate thee McDonald’s? Let me count the ways. Well… no, let me just pick one actually due to space restrictions – how about the soya fed to McDonald’s chickens which is supplied by farms in Brazil accused of destroying the Amazon rainforest, slavery and the invasion of indigenous peoples’ lands.
 
Punishment:
 
Should be made to repeat ‘I’m lovin’ it’ over and over for all eternity while he is force fed Fillet-O-Fish’s intravenously through a vein in his neck.
 
 
 
Gwyneth Paltrow
Tod’s

 

The designer shoe and leather bag manufacturer came last in a 2008 WWF report on the luxury goods industry based on the sustainability and ethics of their business. Gwyneth is the new face, taking over from Sienna Miller. Although she has already been severely reproached by husband and eco-warrior Chris Martin (PETA’s sexiest vegetarian of 2005!) during their nightly bed-time chats, more serious punishment is clearly in order.
 
Punishment:
 
Gwyneth should be humanely put down, skinned and turned into a handbag. Thankfully, looking at this behind-the-scenes video, it’s clear that Gwyneth’s skin could forgo the environmentally harmful tanning process.

John Major
Carlyle Group

The Carlyle Group is a billion dollar conglomerate that invests in heavily government regulated industries such as the arms industry. Among the Carlyle Group's investors were the Bin Laden family who, thanks to their investment in one of the Carlyle Group's defence funds, benefitted very nicely from the Twin Towers attacks as the US increased its defence spending in the run up to war. Former British PM John Major was chairman and friendly face of Carlyle Europe from 2002 until 2005.

 
Punishment:
 
Hmmm… well in Dante’s Inferno, corrupt politicians were sent to the eighth circle of hell where they were immersed in a lake of boiling pitch, which was supposed to represent the sticky fingers and dark secrets of their corrupt deals. That’ll do.

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