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Cosmo Sex Tips Have An Instagram


21 Friday 21st November 2014

No section, however, has faced as much ridicule as their sex tips. Desperate to fill column inches, Cosmo was often found suggesting tips that read like ancient torture manuals. Once they were through their copy of the Joy of Sex, they were reduced to working out ways to bring tobasco into foreplay. Built on providing women with the tools to live the lifestyle they want, they felt compelled to keep abreast of what's new in the bedroom.

On finding that we still pretty much fuck like we always have, they took to adding cleaning products to cunninlingus and jalapenos to perineums. It's hard to differentiate parodies from reality, with tips like 'Randy Rub-a-Dub-Dub' and 'Finger-Food Foreplay' making their way past the subs. But by the time the 50 Shades of Grey obsession was well underway, columnists were practially asking their readers to build a sex dungeon in the laundry cupboard and to hire a gimp to peg their partners. 

New Instagram account cosmosextips is the latest in the long line of jesters to ridicule the techniques so carefully illustrated in the magazine. Inviting you to their location of Sexy Tip Land (nice pun), the creators delve into the ridiculous scenarios one could use to spice up their sex life. The results are pretty hilarious:  


Baby Love: Start breast pumping in secret until your tits naturally start lactating. Meanwhile, take every opportunity you have to emasculate your man. Make fun of him in front of his coworkers, criticize him in front of his family, embarrass him in public. Stop having sex with him completely for at least a month. Then, when he's practically a shell of his former self, seduce him unexpectedly! Just as he's about to climax, make him pull out and punch him as hard as you can in the dick. When he starts to tear up, squirt breast milk in his eyes and scream, "What do you want? Your mommy?!" Then immediately start cradling him and encourage him to breast feed until he feels safe again. Repeat this move two or three times and he will NEVER leave your side! #CosmoSexTip

A photo posted by Cosmo Sex Tips (@cosmosextips) on

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