Crackheads vs. Potheads


Written by Brian Welk
14 Monday 14th June 2010
Crackheads have a bad name. That’s not to say being a crackhead is particularly good, but they do have a worse reputation than potheads. In many cases, to smoke weed is no better than doing cocaine. Today’s weed is as dangerous as crack when compared to the pitifully weak stalk and seed today’s politicians (the same who downgraded weed to Category C) used to smoke in the 60s.
Think about it this way: If your coworker had to down a shot of whiskey each morning to get him going for the day, you’d be seeking help from AA. Why is a person who smokes marijuana as a sort of early routine any more legitimate?
Don’t Panic decided to ‘scientifically’ analyse the effects of cocaine and weed.
The devastating effects of reefer
Side Effects
Crackheads are usually associated with being nervous, anxious people, but did you know pot has many of the same side effects? As it turns out, too much of ‘a good thing’ can actually be bad, as smoking large amounts of weed can cause feelings of paranoia similar to that of crack. So much for pot comic Doug Benson’s theory that potheads are so laid back when they’re high that you can go up and pet them.
Cocaine lasts for a mere 15 to 60 minutes, but the effects of weed can last for up to two or three hours! And because it’s unclear whether weed is a gateway drug, you may never get past the dangers of cannabis to something more agreeable… like LSD or ecstasy.
‘Fashionable’ Pull
For every celebrity scandal involving drugs from Kate Moss, through Lindsay Lohan to Whitney Houston, crack is the drug of choice for all the massively famous fuck-ups. Users have claimed heightened alertness, feelings of sexuality and increased athletic capabilities.
Pot on the other hand was once used as a truth serum because of how comfortable users were to talk under the influence. And although there isn’t much classier than a 420 party, the most you get by ways of scandals is Michael Phelps. Meh.
Best to Work With
The most important thing about work is the necessity to get it done. Smoke enough weed and your coworkers will lose so much track of time and focus and be too relaxed to do just about anything. Instead of working, they’ll be staring at their fingers, singing Judy Garland and eating McGriddles at 2 PM.
Say what you will about crackheads, but they get the job done. It’s a powerful stimulant that will keep them alert and going throughout the day better than any Red Bull could. Sure you’ll have to put up with constant sniffing and trips to the bathroom every half hour, but it’ll be worth it come quarterly reports time.
Artistic Capabilities
You can’t write a good screenplay unless you’re on crack. Hollywood big wigs pass it around like currency. But it also helps if you write about using cocaine. Have you seen Requiem for a Dream? Midnight Cowboy? Either of the Bad Lieutenant films? It’s like that.
But who are the great auteurs of smoking weed? Cheech and Chong? Pauly Shore? Spiccoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Time to hang up that Hacky Sack and break out the crack pipe!

Don't Panic attempt to credit photographers and content owners wherever possible, however due to the sheer size and nature of the internet this is sometimes impractical or impossible. If you see any images on our site which you believe belong to yourself or another and we have incorrectly used it please let us know at and we will respond asap.


  • Guest: jacobs.jon35
    Wed 18 - May - 2011, 16:10
    wow, pot is not dangerous, and do u know how much of a retard u look selling bad ass bongs that has a sighn saying "tobacco use only"...... dumb ass get ur facts straight about weed. "dangers of cannabis" realy?
  • Guest: yourmom
    Sun 03 - Apr - 2011, 14:23
    you are really really dumb. fo real
  • Guest: guestaccountfortrollingalso
    Wed 12 - Jan - 2011, 21:15
    Satire ought to be funny. Like the white people are evil article, this isn't funny. At all. FAIL!
  • Guest: fsins2003
    Sun 21 - Nov - 2010, 02:29
    Brian you are soooooo missinformed!!!!! Crack is not Cocaine!!!! Cociane is the white powder you've seen in miami vice, crack is the hard processed version (you gotta add baking soda and microwave it or some shit!-thanks Kat Williams,) of cocaine that is piped like in new jack city! You clearly have no idea so dont try to make out that pot is evil, because you sound pathetic! Im a 'pothead' who runs his own adult company. I know of several people from my school days who are crack heads, they run thier ass to the benefit office. PS I end the day high, not start it, unless its sunday.
  • Guest: mmariary
    Fri 05 - Nov - 2010, 13:05
    wat da FUCK is wrong wit dis BITCH yu must be on crack DUMBSHIT WEED is waaaay better dan crack yu are da FUCKEN DUMBEST STUPIDEST DUMBFUCK dude i had ever knew about wat is yur FUCKEN problem yu woonded ass..its all about WEEEED GETTIN HIGH ALL THE TIME HAHAHA a matter of fact am high rite nowhahahah but yu shouldnt even be a damn writter writting all da STUPID ASS SHIT like yu know something but FUCK IT theres always gonna be some someDUMBASS killin it... FOR ALL MA FRIENDS WHO SMOKE WEED WOOOOOHOOOOOOO...THATS WASSUP
  • Guest: 0intrepid1
    Tue 26 - Oct - 2010, 04:43
    WOW---LOOK at the Lady's FACE CHANGE! NO HARM THERE hunh? WRONG. I feel for all the crack orphans....following the wave of white death. [Maybe if she smoked something she'd be able to eat more.] [bad joke] drugs don't cut it for being cool, running, hiking, HEALTH, and Meditation do... Andrea in Tennessee
  • Guest: none
    Thu 23 - Sep - 2010, 16:08
    you stupid piece of s**t. where can you find a McGriddle at 2pm? dumbass
  • Guest: dougsux
    Fri 10 - Sep - 2010, 19:37
    Doug Benson sucks big monkey balls, he needs to be sent to prison for his drug use.
  • Guest: jamesiser
    Fri 10 - Sep - 2010, 06:43
    this article is pure s**t. what kind of idiot would write something like this.
  • Guest: swain12345
    Thu 09 - Sep - 2010, 16:17
    wow, the fact that people don't realize that this is satre is pretty interesting. they must all be on drugs. the ignorance of some people just amazes me.
  • Guest: arobins97
    Tue 07 - Sep - 2010, 16:00
    it's satire you idiots.
  • Guest: thagreatgazoo
    Thu 26 - Aug - 2010, 01:32
    Starting to think Brian Welk is just a pen name for Sarah Palin
  • Guest: k.ash.c
    Sat 24 - Jul - 2010, 19:38
    how fucking retarded are you dumb shits. your the most ignorant magazine ever.
  • Guest: swimdouger93
    Sat 17 - Jul - 2010, 22:44
    HAHAHA. you have NO FUCKING CLUE what your talking about. I can't believe your allowed to write you ignorant journalist. Smoke weed for a year and then use crack for a year. Maybe then you can start to understand
  • Guest: timmy_os
    Fri 16 - Jul - 2010, 18:11
    Very poor article...enough said.
  • Guest: a
    Fri 16 - Jul - 2010, 18:02
    Wow, Brian Welk's career is over. He just lost all credibility. This is just plain stupidity. It's like he attempted to be funny, but smoked crack and tried to back up the drug. What an idiot, lmao.
  • Guest: david
    Fri 16 - Jul - 2010, 17:39
    FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!! weed dont hurt your health , crack does! YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!
  • Guest: mikelate39
    Thu 15 - Jul - 2010, 19:04
    Brian Welk.... you have no fucking clue what your talking about. Why would anyone write an article about something they obviously have no fucking clue about. This reads like he got his information from my Jr. High School.
  • Guest: hayato9975
    Thu 15 - Jul - 2010, 03:53
    who ever wrote this article...your fucking retarded
  • Guest: halfdome420
    Thu 15 - Jul - 2010, 02:21
    this has to be the most assinine article i've ever read anywhere period saying crackheads are more productive workers!the author of this article obviosly doesn't know his ass from his elbow or anything about crackheads or potheads,he's just spoutin to anybody who has had first hand experience with crack or crackheads and tell them pot is as dangerous as crack & crackheads are more productive than potheads,go ahead i bet u get laughed at hard. to anyone who's reading this find informed articles.CRACK SUCKS but it keeps the price of blowjobs down.see thhhere are benifits to crack no need to lie about it lol...
  • Guest: fadsfldsaj
    Wed 14 - Jul - 2010, 23:57
    TL:DR FUCK YOU! Spreading lies.
  • Guest: Billybobjoe
    Thu 08 - Jul - 2010, 17:40
    I know this guy is trying to be sarcastic but this article is just stupid and dangerous. Say some uninformed kid or any uninformed person saw this article and thought, "wow I guess crack is a much better choice of drug then cannabis." You sir are now responsible for another ruined life.
  • Guest: anticimex82
    Wed 07 - Jul - 2010, 00:50
    You sir, are a poor fucking excuse for existence. Regardless of this poking fun; it was FUCKING STUPID!!!
  • Guest: slopoke989
    Tue 06 - Jul - 2010, 20:16
    Very funny stuff. Just wish the majority of the people commenting were not such douchbags. And yes I found out about this article off of Doug Bensons Tweet!
  • Guest: grasshopper
    Tue 06 - Jul - 2010, 11:28
    How on earth is that meant promote the legalisatin of cannabis? Cpmparing cannabis and crack is very detrimental to the cause. Beside's what's the want for everyone to legalise cannabis? De-criminalisation for personal pocession is the way forward, not totally legalisation. That would open it up to even more problems than we have already. For fucks sake, get a grip everyone!
  • Guest: prettydirrrty
    Tue 06 - Jul - 2010, 01:34
    The fact that any of you think that this is a serious article is quite amuzing. This is a joke piece FOR the legalization of Marijuana. It's holding a mirror (A hilarious carnival mirror) to the anti-pot people's faces. Who's here because of Doug Benson's Twitter account? My point exactly.
  • Guest: ly1246
    Tue 06 - Jul - 2010, 00:26
    Oh I get it... You're trying to be sarcastic, right???
  • Guest: purpleturtle
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 22:48
    Bryan Welk just made my shit list. You are a pathetic excuse for a writer, and this isnt even amusing as any kind of a joke, it's just fucking retarded. Get a fucking job you loser bag faggot, cause this shit aint working for you.
  • Guest: Translucent32
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 22:10
  • Guest: jayberdy
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 21:33
    So this is hilarious. Were you high when you wrote this..
  • Guest: no
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 20:39
    no one has ever sucked dick for pot.....end of discussion
  • Guest: Wholeeeoh830
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 20:31
    How the heck do you compare weed to CRACK!! CRACK COCAINE!!! Are u serious right now!!!? This journalist is a joke.
  • Guest: b.wasserman0
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 20:06
    Well, honestly, I smoked weed for quite some time and I did do alot of it. The paranioa got the best of me. I don't smoke it any more. I did crack quite badly. I decided to quit. Took 2 years to get over it. LSD is still my choice of drug, but haven't done it for more thatn 4 years. I like to give it time. Now I do the occasional Salvia Divinorum. Once about every 3 months. Best 2 minute trip ever plus I'm ass chilled as ever for a few days. But.... I won't recomend any drug to any one... Altough, adrenaline's also a drug?
  • Guest: WelkSmokeCrack
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 20:06
    How did you manage to contradict yourself on being careful that stoner might lash out of paranoia, yet at the same time do nothing and eat mcgriddles? Come on...pick an ignorant stereotype you want to rant about and stick with it
  • Guest: sonicdraco
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 20:00
    You HAD to have know this was bullshit when you were googling this or what you call "research" and the only concrete thing you can come up with is that it was ONCE used at one time, by someone in the past history of man as a potential truth serum!
  • Guest: joblow_me
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 19:41
    You're a poor writer.
  • Guest: savetehtreez
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 19:24
    everyone knows mcgriddles aren't served at 2. what a joke
  • Guest: goodluckmask
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:58
    You are stupid. You must not know a damn thing about crack or weed. Do some research before putting this bullshit out.
  • Guest: steve
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:48
    Pot is just as bad as coke and crack? This is just idiotic--unlike crack and cocaine, there is no lethal dose of marijuana, it is not physically addictive, most who use it are fully functional. Do the smallest amount of research before you publicly post bullshit like this. I have a master's degree and a great job that I love and I'm a moderate marijuana user, and I'm so tired of reading and hearing stories about pot with zero basis in fact.
  • Guest: hummel.erin
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:41
    please tell me this was just a really bad joke.
  • Guest: FuckBrianWelk
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:40
    Brian Welk you will die for what you have just wrote
  • Guest: 420smokeweedallday
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:36
    WTF this is the stupidest article i have ever fucking seen, not one piece of information about cannabis is correct. this is all false information and should be taken off your website. FUCK YOU DONTPANICONLINE.COM i will never visit this site again and i will be sure to tell everyone i see to do the same thing
  • Guest: douchebagmcassface
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:21
    What a dumb cunt of an article. You should kill yourself for writing this.
  • Guest: stevejobs
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:20
    to sum up this massive pile of horseshit and ignorance in the most eloquent way I can to someone of your intelligence level, LOLWUT & YOU FAIL. Jesus Christ publicizing this semi organized, elementary school grade, tale of wrongness and straight lies should be illigal. I'm speechless. is this supposed to be funny? HAHA let's see how many stupid people we can get to use crack from this dangerous article. are you 12? fuck yourself and may you die a wretched death from crack cocaine overdose.
  • Guest: pen15
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 18:19
    I hope you die
  • Guest: SATAN
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 17:53
    seriously, what the fuck did i just read? god, there are just so many things wrong with this article that i can't even begin to articulate them. were your parents siblings, mr. welk? because that is the only explanation i can fathom for this cesspool of degeneracy you seem to think is journalism. i certainly hope you are just a massive troll; otherwise i may as well kill myself right now, as there is no longer hope for humanity. enjoy your crack, buddy.
  • Guest: ueapex
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 17:36
    now i see why the word 'scientifically' was in quotes. theres nothing scientific about this article. what the fuck are you babbling about Welk? crack better than pot? rly? after reading this i have this weird feeling as if you just started smoking crack and got in a fight with a pot head and decided to let out your anger via the most ridiculous article ive ever read. you are a fucking troll of mass proportions. o and btw, you cant get mcgriddles past 10:30. dbag.
  • Guest: seanmartineau87
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 17:10
    you should be ashamed of this article. how is crack even to be compaired with marijuana? is thia a joke because if it is, its a bad one. "crackheads get the job done" im seriously contimplationg buying a huge load of crack now and smoking it to my face. you mentioned no badsides to crack AT ALL, congradulations, the already fucked up youths of today will now be running around on crack. you can go fuck your self, quite writing, your making the world a worse place.
  • Guest: blueberrydiseal
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 16:48
    This article was insane, and dangerous to any uneducated people that read it. You don't even want to know many people die from crack or spend all there money and sell all their shit just to buy some more rock. Those pictures of that woman's deteriorating face is originally to show the abuse of METH - not even close to cannabis or cocaine in terms of health problems. Notice how the article is under POLITICS and not HEALTH. They're not even trying to hide their asshole opinions, but they're making it appear as though they're speaking any truth. Their message is that stimulants are better than downers - yet the very picture used to advocate their point negates it completely with a little bit of added text. Also, Requiem For a Dream was about heroine, not cocaine idiot. Maybe I missed the humor in the article, but some of these comments below are right, that it's dangerous if some uneducated person were to stumble across that and think that it's true. Seems like this site doesn't take their articles seriously, good to know. I won't be coming back.
  • Guest: guitarist231
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 16:34
    probably the worst article i've ever read, and the first and last time i'll ever visit this site
  • Guest: penis
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 15:13
    fucking loser wannabe writer. hope you end up sucking dick for crack one day.
  • Guest: woodsofmaine1
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 15:07
    Horrible attempt at humor. Simply pathetic.
  • Guest:
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 15:02
    oh and you can't overdose from marijuana like you can from crack/cocaine/LSD/E.
  • Guest:
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 14:58
    Wow, what a bunch of stupid fucks. I been smoking pot for 6 years and I'm still in good shape, still attractive and exercise/lift everyday. weed is waaaaaay better for you then crack. Its a plant. Crack is made with cocaine and paint dissolvant. And one of your argument is about paranoia/anxiety. You can get this from every single drug you try, it really depends from the person but anyone can get paranoid when they feel like theyre floating or whatever. Also, marijuana is a natural plant and is 100% not physically addictive, and like theres only one rare syndrom to get addicted psychologicaly. Crack/cocaine is alot more addictive. I have friends that stopped years ago and he's still crawling for some. Telling people to go smoke a bunch of chemical shit instead of a good ol' plant, is so stupid and conscience less. And to finish, if your gonna pass the rest of your life taking drugs, why not a cheap one and healthy one you can stop whenever you want? Marijuana! "Theres two things that goes to infinity in this world; The universe and the humam stupidity. And i'm not even sure about the universe" -Albert Einsten I can't believe how propaganda went to this desperate point.
  • Guest: therock1106
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 14:30
    Wow you have got to be kidding me with this....real smart lets go tell people to do crack instead of weed!! What a great idea!! Its an article full of lies to begin with and it really is one of the worst and most rediculous article i've ever read on the net and i've definately read some stupid stuff.
  • Guest: suckmydick
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 13:46
    fucking rediculous. most ignorant thing that i have ever read. ever.
  • Guest: dispose
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 13:30
    This is one of the stupidest things I've ever read on the internet... and that is saying something.
  • Guest: grasshopper_2010
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 11:32
    What a crock of shite. I thought journalists were meant to report truths? You got it all completely wrong and I think is totally deplorable. You are giving out the WRONG message - this article is VERY DANGEROUS! Editor - you ought to be ashamed of yourself letting this be published. REMOVE IT NOW BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE or at best, destroy a life.
  • Guest: hegz2
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 09:33
    Who the hell employed this guy as a journalist? What an ignorant fool, propaganda piece of shit article. All you gota do is look into ALL INDEPENDANT research done into cannabis and you will see the truth about this wonderfull herb.
  • Guest: bob
    Mon 05 - Jul - 2010, 09:33
    What utter twaddle. May I suggest the writer of this peice goes and does a little more research. How the heck can you argue that crack isn't as bad as a bit of weed. Crack heads for one thing are notorious for smacking you over the head for a £5 rock. I wouldn't dream of mugging someone for my next spliff, it's just unheard of. How can you possibly compare a cannabis user to a crack head. Totally ridiculous!!!
  • Guest: hattiemoore
    Wed 23 - Jun - 2010, 20:51
    After reading this I have lost a little faith in you Don't Panic. Please don't let Brian Welk litter your website with plain untruths again.
  • Guest: yamsgotlaid
    Wed 16 - Jun - 2010, 15:27
    ok, so maybe i'm bias. was a serious pothead, like the one u described above. but most importantly, cos i wasn't addicted like u would with crack, i was 100% in control of when i chose to blaze up or not. i have never done any hard drugs, and will never ever ever, seriously ever try it, let alone touch it. i've personally witnessed promising lives go down the drain cos of it. it's f*cking tragic. stoned on pot, i have done some amazingly creative things, and lived to celebrate my achievements. to say crack is better than weed, well brian, u must be smoking crack, cos that's a flat out lie!
  • Guest: leesoldout
    Wed 16 - Jun - 2010, 13:39
    The other comments said it first, but I wont ask any questions, I'll just put it like this: That wasn't funny Your style of writing is terribly obnoxious, you sound like a 15 year old Your sweeping assumptions and misinformation were a brilliant waste of a potentially interesting article Ironic? Dry humour? Nah, it wasn't even entertaining in the slightest, Don't Panic need to re-assess who writes for them, why they write for them, and what they eventually publish, this whole article is complete tripe on every level.
  • Guest: cutiexruby
    Wed 16 - Jun - 2010, 13:32
    the photos used of the women above "The devastating effects of reefer" of a methane addict actually it's on youtube..
  • Guest: seeep
    Tue 15 - Jun - 2010, 15:02
    oh, really... as if we needed to downplay the destructive possibilities of 'casual' crack smoking / / / what an idiot. i guess it's supposed to be funny, but don't tell me that you find many people so fucking addicted to pot that they're homeless and prostitutes because of it. to even say such shite like "today's weed is as dangerous as crack..." is just absolutely retarded and irresponsible. have children and let them read this utter garbage. so now hard addictive drugs are soft drugs... WTF?????????!!!! nice one, DON'T PANIC. sheer quality writing here.
  • Guest: moot
    Tue 15 - Jun - 2010, 07:35
    This is the most stupid article I have ever read on this site and that's saying something. was this supposed to be 'funny' or something? i suggest this writer lock himself away for a few hours and actually try smoking crack and then weed or even both together in large amounts, don't worry if your heart starts racing, your brain hurts and you feel sort of like you're dying, just remember it's just another cool and hi-larious thing to add into your artikal afterwards and carry on smoking!