Don't Panic's Guide to Black Friday


Written by Jack Blocker
28 Friday 28th November 2014

Like pulled-pork sliders and war in Iraq, Black Friday is a bizarre American tradition that Britain has decided to adopt. For the blissfully unaware, Black Friday is a special day following Thanksgiving, when Americans scramble to purchase things and stuff in the wake of appreciating what they already have. And now we Britons do it in the wake of nothing at all.

Shops offer enormous discounts on premium products, like TVs, larger TVs and juicers, so people fight over them like starved vultures pecking at a dessicated carcass. If you're being kind, you could pin Black Friday's success on the stressful effect of Thanksgiving bringing extended families together. For many Americans, the holiday only exists to remind them how awful their relatives truly are. If your uncle flew cross country to say 'Darren Wilson seems like a guy you'd hit the bars with', or if your sister claimed that Cosby 'would never hurt anyone' as she ate Yams, then you'd probably seek solace in a 42" flatscreen too.

Sadly, we Brits don't have that excuse. Put simply, we are rampant consumers who will co-opt the by-product of a holiday we don't even celebrate just to get our hands on those delicious bargains. But who am I to judge? I'd drop-kick a puppy for a £5 George Foreman grill, and I know you would too.

So here's how you beat the queues and make a killing on Black Friday, without actually having to kill anyone!

1) Log on to Amazon

2) Open your browser and check out

3) Amazon offers the same deals as the high street, hit it up!

4) Amazon hasn't crashed like Tesco's website, give them some cash

5) Jeff Bezos is doing work son, head to his website. It's called Amazon

6) Kindle Fire. £150 off. You guessed it. Amazon

7) Cold? You can get the same deals on Amazon, inside your house

8) Tax avoidance? More like queue avoidance at Amazon

9) Perhaps you should be content with your lot, and appreciate the things you can't buy instead

10) LOL jk head to Amazon

This post was not sponsored by Amazon. However, if you represent Amazon and would like to give us a lot of money as a thank you, do get in touch.

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