Election Response


Written by Joseph Wade
10 Monday 10th May 2010

They think it’s all over… well, it’s not. After none of our esteemed political parties proved capable of capturing a dominant share of the vote, Don’t Panic sum up the politicos performances so far.

Gordon Brown must be wishing he had his own Hot Tub Time Machine to revisit November 2007 when Labour were surfing the ‘Brown Bounce’, a surge in popularity actually caused by his presence at the helm. The Young Turks in the party were battling the Greybeards and urging Brown to capitalise on his ratings and call a snap election to secure his own mandate to rule, catching the Tories off guard and usher in a historic fourth term for Labour. He dithered then but he's gone against type by quitting now rather than hanging on until the bitter and gruesome end.His bold decision to walk now demonstrates what could have been achieved by decisive action as he does seem to have left the Tories somewhat on their arses in the negotiations with the Lib Dems.
During the election, David Cameron was like a preening, proud matador who was totally unable, at the moment of truth to dispatch the mortally wounded bull. He had more money than Labour; the economy had tanked; virtually every newspaper was supporting him; Brown had been characterised as a bullying maniac in The End of the Party (serialised in the Labour supporting Observer), a portrayal Brown went on to confirm in the Bigotgate incident. What other weapons did Cameron need to kill him off? The Tories seem to have a lot to do to win over a sceptical public, especially as the strategy of relying on Cameron’s dubious charms, and hiding the rest of his team away, seems not to be working.
Nick Clegg flopped even more resoundingly. The initial surge in popularity post-debut TV debate generated press scrutiny too rigorous for the Lib Dem’s somewhat half-baked policies on the Euro and immigration to withstand – forged as they were during the dark days of media indifference. Despite the Lib Dem nose dive they’re positioned as king makers, which seems to make electoral reform more likely and in our opinion that is the clearest outcome of this election, that the British public have delivered a mandate for change, a clear message to politicians that the system needs changing.


Most irritating candidate

Tamsin Ormond is the slappably annoying environmentalist who is best known for scaling the Houses of Parliament with Plane Stupid. After being shunned by the group she decided to get inside the House by being voted member for Hampstead and Kilburn. She decided to stand against the well established Green Party for her own organisation, The Commons, and duly polled 123 votes and lost her deposit. Who says the system is broken?
Most inaccurate predictions
Social Media championing headlines like ‘General election 2010: Facebook and Twitter to have unprecedented impact’ from The Telegraph lead us to believe that tired ‘old media’ was dead and buried. Reports of its death turned out to be greatly exaggerated as the TV debates enlivened the election. Ultimately, Cleggmania ended up being a bit like Henmania, plenty of expectation based on one good performance, whipped up by the media to extraordinary levels, only to totally evaporate as the great white hope chokes as the final nears.    
Reasons to be cheerful
The number of minority ethnic MPs close to doubled, meaning Parliament is getting a bit closer to representing British society. Meanwhile, Nick Griffin came third in Barking and Dagenham with a reduced number of votes. The BNP also lost nearly all its council seats.  Lembit Opik was voted out for no other reason that he is irritating and went out with a Cheeky Girl. Finally, none of ‘Cameron’s cuties’ got in. These photogenic, yet seemingly vacuous, candidates included Shaun Bailey, Joanna Cash and Mark Clarke.

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