Expensive Pointless Shit.


Written by Gabriel Mathews
17 Monday 17th July 2017

It’s probably been a long expensive weekend for you. It’s the middle of the month so that pay cheque is on it’s last legs and the rent is due. On top of that you owe your mate fifty bob for drugs you didn’t need and drinks that we’re way too expensive. That just this month.

Aside from the damage your weekend antics have done, you like the rest of twenty somethings are staring down the barrel of gigantic student debt.

And... the amount of unemployed 16+ in the UK is close to 1.5 million, there is a 1% pay cap on public sector jobs and the estimated cost of living on this island is around £13,400, before tax.

Basically, yours and the general economic situation in this country is dire.

So just to make you more angry at your financial situation and point out the disparity between you eating rice and beans for the rest of the month vs the guy throwing caviar away we’ve put a list together of the most pointless and expensive fashion ‘accessories’ available.

The terms ‘fashion’ and ‘accessory’ are used very loosely. You will notice that one or two of these brands while they might not be competitors in the fashion world they could certainly be in a competition for creating unnecessary expensive shit.  

1. The Supreme Brick - £765

The king of collaborations and pointless tat, the re-seller’s wet dream, Supreme, have never shied away from sticking their name on random inanimate objects and attaching a price tag to it. I imagine they just press a bunch of buttons on a calculator and see what comes out.

Unfortunately this was another Supreme item that for whatever reason people lost any rational thought over and we’re willing to hand over close to £800 for a brick, a literal brick.

2. Versace Prestige Amber Water Glass - £325

For those who like the finer things in life, even if that is just water, you need the finest things to drink from. What else could you possible drink water from, other than the Versace crystal water glass - lead free apparently. Slightly worrying that such a big name brand has to tell it’s consumers that their products are lead free but who cares… just look at that finish.

3. Louis Vuitton's Latitude Torch Bag Charm and Key Holder - £740

Before you completely disregard the piece, this one is a steal because you get two products for the price of one. Yes that’s right the charm also doubles up as an actual torch. Incredible! We all need a miniature torch / keychain in our life.

4. Cricket World Cup 2007 Cricket Ball - £52,429

There isn’t a particular brand you might recognise responsible for creating this bizarre piece. It was designed to hand out to the best players at the competition. Each ball was decorated with 5278 diamonds but why I hear you ask. Why not?

They only produced these shiny bejewelled balls for the 2007 World Cup because a few crickers are now wandering around with half a face that sparkles in the sun light are trying to play with them.

5. Boodles x PG Tips Tea Bag - £1,071

How else would you celebrate the 75th Anniversary of your tea company? Obviously you would have famous jewelry company cover a tea bag in 280 diamonds. I wonder whether the diamonds would add any flavour to your ‘builder’s tea’. Either way another pointless high end item that will make your blood boil.

6. Supreme Nunchucks - £153

Another fanboy favorite from the hypebeast ‘skate’ brand. This time it’s not the necessary materials to build your house, it’s the necessary weaponry to defend yourself. If, like myself, you’ve been mugged, you may have thought if I had a pair of nunchucks this wouldn’t have happened. Well here they are. Not only will you keep your phone but you’ll look fucking badass while you do it. Step aside mugger, Chuck Norris coming through.

7. Versace Blue Teapot - £451

You could, if you wanted to, have your whole dining collection from Versace. But if you’ve got some class about you you’ll only get a few Medusa clad items. If you’re a tea drinker this is the one for you.

8. Hermes Crystal Paperweight - £820

Who in god’s name is still using and buying paper weights? No one, that’s who. Anyone still using one is a massive tool or genuinely has more money than sense but most likely they’re both.

So the next time you're eating rice and beans from a paper plate for the 5th time in a month just think, if you saved up, you could be eating from a Versace plate drinking diamond tea within the confines of your Supreme brick built home. But then again, you’re not a complete fucking moron.


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