When I was at school in Brighton, a group of toffs named the Countryside Alliance hopped in their Land Rovers/Shire horses and held a huge protest on the sea front. The Labour Party were in town for their 2004 conference, and many from the surrounding Sussex green belt were pretty peeved about the party's recent ban of fox hunting. So peeved, in fact, that some of them dumped dead animals on the road (for some reason) and a few fine fillies got naked and run in the sea. Tally ho!

As a teen, this was a very exciting prospect, resulting in minutes of chatter among the lads at school.

(Careful. Below photo contains posh breasts)

Seriously.

 

 

It does.

 

They thought they'd save fox-hunting by running into the sea naked.

Sadly, nudity and dead animals didn't cause Labour to renege on their decision to minimise dead animals in the countryside, and the ban held strong. However, this oppressive swipe at the traditions of the upper classes has lingered for the last decade, meaning the differences between those who get pissed-up on sherry, clatter through the countryside on horses, shoot birds, own labradors, own off shore accounts, call people chap and marry close relatives, and those who don't, have only become more entrenched.

Luckily for the upper classes, those war-mongering lefties are now out of government. That chap Cameron is calling the shots, and like any good sport, he wants fox-hunting BACK. A vote on repealing the ban looked set to go through until those ghastly Scots in the SNP vowed to vote against it. I guess we'll have to wait until Cameron and his pals pass a law excluding Scots from voting on issues that don't effect them directly, meaning the Conservatives can rig the votes in the countryside's favour. Oh, what a time to be alive.

Until then, let's fondly recall the other countryside traditions that were cruelly outlawed by the powers that be:

Bear-baiting

Witch burning

Dog fighting

Cock fighting

Marrying your cousin

Burning plastics in a field

Shooting a dog for worrying your sheep

Shooting a human for worrying your sheep

Dumping bodies in woodland

Calling people chap

'Panel-beating' (?)

Eating road kill

Living in houses made of your own feces

The feudal system

Beheadings

Throwing tomatoes at promiscuous women

Cutting pickpockets into four quarters

Drowning cats in a big barrel of water (probably still legal)

Killing your servant

Getting an army of dogs to tear a fox to pieces then throwing what remains in the bin, so you can go home and eat some roast pork instead. Cooked in the AGA, naturally.

It's actually more human for the fox to be torn to pieces you know.

Tearing them to pieces is population control.

If you dont have a bunch dogs tear them to pieces, they'll die.