Got Enemies? Send Them Some Shit!


Written by Jack Blocker
18 Thursday 18th April 2013

Everyone raise a glass to the god dam internet, for allowing the people whose vision far exceeds their logic to flourish. I was particularly psyched to find out about ShitSenders, a boutique company who will send a steaming pile of shit to the front door of the biggest asshole you know. Or your kids or wife or whatever - basically anyone you deem worthy of receiving a shitload of shit. Whether you want to keep it simple with some cow shit, or get a bit cosmopolitan with some Gorilla shit, ShitSenders can hook your enemies up with the shit of your choice.

As the cherry on the top of the big shit-cake, ShitSenders will bury a calling card in the shit that will make the turd receiving the shit think they can find out who did it. No dice shit-head, the card doesn't say shit! And now your hands are all covered in shit.

The customer satisfaction is through the roof. But don't ask me, ask Stan of Chicago:

"Not only was your shit some of the finest shit ever sent in the mail, but your placement of the "wanna find out who sent this" card within the shit forces the shited on to actually sift through the shit only to find out that you'll never tell them who sent them the shit. I just finally heard back from the shited on friend and I almost shited myself when I heard he dug through the shit to find out who sent him the shit".

Also ask Jeff from New York:

"I have two idiot neighbors across the street they're both such idiots that they don't even like each other. I couldn't decide which one to send a shit package to so I sent them both one. I hope they think that they sent them to each other. Let them fight it out. Love your service".

It's clear that this shit is changing the revenge game. I'm pretty sure that violent crime/litigation/global conflict would come to a halt if we all just started sending our adversaries a bunch of shit what an Elephant done.

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