Former Tory prime minister David Cameron has recently stood down as MP of Witney, Oxfordshire. Don't Panic had an exclusive look at how he plans to spend the next few years...
*Get back to hugging hoodies
*Gain employment in his most desired role: quality control in a pig abattoir
*Go overseas- specificially to visit the money his family stashed from the taxman
*Check out some voicemails with Andy Coulson
*Do a Thelma & Louise with George Osborne/Nick Clegg
*Having fucked the Remain vote, become a member of a 'swarm of migrants' and flee to Europe
*Singlehandedly set out to #savefabric
*Save up money to pay his kids' uni tuition fees
*Correct every person earth with 'so-called Islamic State' when they say 'ISIS'
*Grapple with the guilt of being a longterm Tory