How to Sabotage a Fox Hunt


Written by Seun Mustapha
28 Monday 28th April 2008

The 18 February 2005 finally saw a day that every normal person who doesn’t like fapping to animal-gore-porn had been waiting for. The Government finally decided to do what around 80 percent of the population had been campaigning for them to do for the last ten years and outlawed the practice of chasing down small woodland animals with a 40 strong gang of screaming, horn-blowing, gun-wielding psychopaths, mortally wounding said animal before setting a pack of trained dogs on the wretched creature to reduce it to a mangled, twitching mess of torn flesh, and then celebrating ‘back at the manor’ with a bowl of caviar and a flute of champagne.

Unfortunately the government wasn’t aware who they were dealing with. These are people that exist outside of the law. They don’t care about the rules the rest of society tries impose on them. They don’t live in the cities. They consider the countryside and everything that lives in it their personal property - 40, 000 of them even went so far to openly declare they fully intended to defy any government legislation. We’re talking about some of the richest and most powerful people in the country and if they want to torture defenseless little creatures for the lulz then god-damn it they’re going to have themselves a ball.

We spoke to a hunt saboteur named X who really, really hates these blood crazed bastards (BCBs). So if you’re not rich and from the country enough to be into blood sports and fancy sabotaging some of the fun of posh people, here are some suggestions:

Horn Calls

Mr X told us one way to stop these BCBs is with a thing called ‘horn calls’. This is when you acquire a horn much like the one the BCBs have and use that to control the hounds. It’s a bit like when you get one of those ‘one for all’ remote controls and start fucking with someone else’s TV set or something. They tell the dogs to kill, rip and tear and you then tell them to run around in circles, chase their tail and then sit and play dead. If the huntsman is using a slow call that means he is probably trying to stop or slow the dogs down because they’re stupid animals and are running the wrong way. So you start a fast call to keep them doing exactly that. You have to be careful though because once the BCBs start getting frustrated they’re likely to maybe go to their massive bank accounts and withdraw enough money to buy and have a tiger shipped over from Africa and then set that on the dogs because they like seeing powerful stuff kill helpless stuff.


You can buy a spray called ANTI-MATE which is used to keep horny dogs away from bitches on heat by messing around with the dog’s sense of smell. Or you can get some garlic, some lemon scented oil called citronella and mix it up with tap water. These smells are used to dull the hound’s sense of smell so they cannot track down main, torture and massacre the ‘huntee’. You may also spray dried blood everywhere to confuse the dogs and the BCBs also. Spraying ANTI-MATE on your hands and then casually stroking the dogs will also confuse the hell out of them and prevent them from finding the prey. None of these sprays contain any kind of material which could harm the animal in any way.

Getting Physical

If a fox manages to go to ground and the Terriermen (dog-handlers) are called in, they will get the dogs to terrorise the fox to the point where it comes back out into the open in a futile attempt to save its own life, set the dogs on it until it’s too bloody, injured and in too much pain to try to escape any more, grab it and then stuff it into a bag for a few days until it’s healed enough to go through the whole rigmarole again. The other option is just to allow the dogs to tear the fox slowly to pieces, laugh when the eye pops out of the socket, giggle when the intestines spill all over the floor, cover their noses when the smell of yet-to-be-passed fecal matter and various stomach acids fill the air and then go and find another one to kill. This is a chance for the Homer Simpsons amongst us to come to the fore. You basically stride into the hunt, fearless with six-pack in hand, sit yourself down on the fox or badger sett (tunnel), turn up your ipod and then sit there until the BCBs are forced to fuck off back to the manor. This can potentially lead to a violent and uncomfortable situation but rarely will because the type of self-serving, greedy, completely lacking in empathy, anti-social, murderous, blood thirsty, gun-loving, bullies of the countryside are generally complete and utter cowards and won’t dare lift a finger against something their own fucking size (you).

Do you think that a good book or kick about is more fun than causing unimaginable pain and suffering to an animal? Well then you're obviously a stupid stinking hippy and like us you'll probably think that the League Against Cruel Sports website is worth a visit.

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