02 Thursday 02nd October 2014
As his people starve to death, Kim Jong-un has reportedly gained so much weight while in office that he’s now unable to walk. His sheer mass (an estimated 20 stone) has apparently fractured his own ankles. The rapid gain is apparently due to his love of Emmental cheese, an affair that started when was at boarding school in Switzerland.
Swiss cheese and boozing has left Kim stationary after a stint of official engagements, and his signature cuban heels didn’t help the situation. The shoes were designed to boost his height and thus his ego, but have proven pretty difficult to walk in and have now resulted in North Korean TV breaking protocol and revealing footage of him limping about.
North Koreans were concerned about their leader after his absence from public appearances. Usually a poorly North Korean official actually means a dead or imprisoned North Korean official. However Kim is alive but not quite kicking, imprisoned only by his love of dairy and alcohol.
He is being treated in Pyongyang hospital, allegedly by European doctors. For their lives' sake, let’s hope they can make him better.
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