Magic Is Shit And It Ruined Game Of Thrones


09 Thursday 09th July 2015

They moved away from magic. This must have been the work of a genius Television producer who realised HBO is famous for tits and violence, not magic. People also like seeing dicks, so throw a couple of those in and we’re in for a cracker. We have the makings of the best fantasy series in history: tits, dicks and violence, with an emphasis on politics and an embarrassed sidestep away from magic. Five stars!

The problem is that the more popular something gets, the more people want to get their filthy hands on it. I am sure the heartless executives at HBO had absolutely no intention of sticking to George RR Martin’s magic filled literary narrative. Draw inspiration from it, sure, but otherwise move away from it. Because heartless execs know that books make for shitty TV. 

The real problem is you, the fans: The people who read the books (or more likely a Wikipedia page) and freak out, in their millions, if Khaleesi’s grammar is off. The idiot fans who read a book and imagine magic and think it belongs anywhere but in their imagination. Newsflash - it doesn’t. There’s a reason successful, interesting people don’t associate with Magic: The Gathering or clowns.

I’m sure if I could read at a level superior to the average six-year-old (and chose to waste my time reading fantasy novels) it would be a revelation to see Khaleesi walk out of a fire holding three baby dragons. But I distinctly remember that this was the exact moment that I could not give less of a shit about Game of Thrones any more. I could no longer look past its flaws. 

How can one respect a show’s characters and story arcs when there’s a scene in which two cripple boys run away from skeleton monsters while pixies shoot fire out of their hands from an ancient tree? 

How can fans argue that the show’s lack of minorities is acceptable due to its Medieval, European influences, whilst also abiding a character who can wear other peoples’ faces as a disguise (while talking like a cunt)? Am I to believe that this is a more likely scenario than a talking black person who isn’t a slave, pirate or locked in a vault for eternity?

You forced heartless executives to stay true to source material, instead of using their vast network of talented writers to create a world better built for television. The show has outpaced the books (as we knew it would), and now they are forced to make filler episodes (which was what the whole of season 5 was) while they wait for Martin to catch up. 

Unfortunately it is too late. Once you have introduced magic as an all-powerful get out clause for any situation, it is too late to be saved. When a show - that once had the balls to behead its main character after just one season - has a character facing certain death saved by a fucking dragon, it is beyond repair. What I am trying to say with all this is that sex and violence are great and magic can go fuck itself. 

Listen to Benjamin's podcast here. It's routinely offensive. 

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