If we're turning in such comprehensive screentime, surely we all assume that each one of us has explored every nook, cranny and subreddit that exists on this infinite series of tubes: That no meme has gone unshared. That few strangers have gone unshamed. I know I do. Or did, because about a year ago I was exposed to something called a vlog, and I soon learned that vlogs were a very big deal indeed.
While we were doing normal internet stuff, like reading AMAs at work or arguing on Resident Advisor forums, giant swathes of teenagers were quietly building empires on Youtube. But they weren't doing this by ripping HBO's premium programming or combining clips of boating accidents, but by filming eminently boring videos of themselves talking about their banal existence. As it turns out, equally boring people enjoy watching boring people do fuck all, so many of these 'vloggers' became extremely rich thanks to ad revenue.
Their cultural sway was cemented today when a magazine, 'Oh My Vlog', was released to keep track of their movements. I assume this is because their reach is now so great that they even have to cater to offline fans/people waiting for the dentist:
Who are these people? I don't know. The only one I recognise is the girl in the middle, Zoella. She's essentially that boring flake from university halls, whose very existence seemed to hinge on you physically seeing her. Once you no longer lived together in confined quarters, she ceased to even flicker in you subconscious memory. She may as well have died.
Jokes on you though, because while you were too cool to run with these squares, people like her were gaining an audience of similarly vapid wallflowers, who turned to the likes of Zoella et al when real life proved too real. Here's the house she bought last year, peasant.
While I'm on the subject, here's a vlog from my favourite vlogger, Hannah Gale:
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