STUPID BORIS JOHNSON TO UNVEIL NEW LINE OF SHITTY BUSES

Stupid Boris Johnson To Unveil New Line Of Shitty Buses
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STUPID BORIS JOHNSON TO UNVEIL NEW LINE OF SHITTY BUSES



Written by Jack Blocker
30 Tuesday 30th June 2015

I just had a lovely trip through the City on the number 11 bus. I'd ventured to Aldwych station to see if I could get any photos of today's police training for a terrorist attack, but was turned away from the door because I lacked the correct press credentials. Bummer. After making sure the doorman knew I hadn't been foolish enough to make a special trip out there, and was definitely just walking past all casual, I caught the 11 back from outside the Royal Courts of Justice.

Today, as I'm sure you are aware, is perhaps one of the hottest of the year so far. The number 11 route is served by Boris Johnson's routemaster which, as I'm starting to figure out, is perhaps the worst thing BoJo's actively inflicted on London. The buses don't have any windows, so sitting in one on a hot day is a bit like doing calisthenics in a green house. They seem to have air-con, but this comes out of the vents in a limp stream. A seriously fucking limp stream, like a 40-a-day smoker trying to blow a breathalyser in Denver limp.

When the temperature peaks at 33 degrees as it's predicted to do tomorrow, I'd be shocked if no one faints, vomits or punches someone on one of these. Or dies a horrible death.

Now, Boris has just announced that a new line of fully electric Boris buses will be introduced on some routes. That means when we boil to death on the way to work, we can at least take solace in the fact that we did so while reducing carbon emissions.

Just build bigger, safer cycle lanes if you want to lower pollution, you mop-topped idiot.

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