The Weekly Awards: 9th May


Written by Jake Moss
09 Tuesday 09th May 2017

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We take a look at the news and pick out individuals who - for better or worse - deserve a special mention...

The Michael Jackson Memorial Award for Backtracking - Theresa May

The Prime Minister really seems to be gunning for the King of Pop’s crown as the person most famous for gliding seamlessly backwards. She said she wouldn’t call a general election. Then low and behold, she whipped out that patented May moonwalk, and now we all have to sit through this nonsense AGAIN.

Not only that, but having said she wouldn’t get involved in a TV debate, she’s now taking part in two; a one-on-one duel with Jeremy Corbyn and a seven-way over-the-top-rope battle royal with the other party leaders.

Unless she changes her mind, of course - in which case, she’ll need an understudy. Unfortunately, Michael Jackson is apparently unavailable.

The John Prescott Award for Being More like a Bouncer than a Politician - Paul Nuttall

Sadly, the UKIP leader Paul Nuttall, a sort of human bread and butter pudding, is at it again with his fascist blatherings.

In his latest pseudo-racist announcement, he highlighted plans for a “one in, one out” immigration policy. He is yet to confirm whether the rest of UKIP’s manifesto will just consist of things a bouncer might say to you outside a club.

He did, however, end his speech by confiscating everybody’s drinks and then kicking out anyone who wasn’t white.

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