THE WEEKLY AWARDS: 9TH MAY

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THE WEEKLY AWARDS: 9TH MAY



Written by Jake Moss
09 Tuesday 09th May 2017

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The “You Don’t See That Every Day” Award - The 20 Year Old Scottish Tory

“A 20 year old Tory?!” I hear you cry. “By Jupiter’s trident, surely not?!”

More like, surely yes. And it gets weirder.

He’s Scottish.

Yes, the young Conservative candidate Thomas Kerr has been voted into the Shettleston seat in the east end of Glasgow. Where did they find this rare phenomenon? He’s the needle in a haystack. The four-leaf clover. The funny Adam Sandler film. He’s a truly once-in-a-lifetime occurrence of a man. Good luck to the lad though. His family must be so… proud? Well, maybe not proud, but you know.

The John Travolta Award for Dancing Like Nobody’s Watching - Marine Le Pen

Mere hours after losing the election to Emmanuel Macron, Marine Le Pen has been filmed concealing her profound misery by dancing the night away with a bevy of other vacant-looking middle-aged Aryan women. Here’s the link if you dare to take a peek at her moves:

However, as you can see, this was no normal dance. This was a haunting gyration that’ll make you deeply uneasy down to your very core. The way she moves those hips. It’s like a fascist spider trying to lure you into its web.

Not only that, but you can just feel the pain and the devastation eeking out from every pore, as she mournfully jives away to I Love Rock n Roll. She may claim she’s truly having a good time, but it looks to me like she’s just putting on a Front (Nationale).


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