Top 5 Royal Perverts


Written by Kieron Monks
01 Friday 01st May 2009

Catherine the Great (Russia, 1729-1796)

Despite tempting rumours to the contrary, Catherine did not have sex with horses. The truth is almost as debauched. After years of marriage to impotent buffoon Peter the Third, Catherine took his crown and embarked on an epic string of conquests. Despite her reported ugliness, she would spend weeks at a time sampling the hordes of willing suitors. "It is my misfortune that I cannot be content even for an hour without love," she wrote in her diary. She even had her maids road test them for quality control. Royal rank did not come into it either. In fact she was happiest slumming it, notably with Army Sarg. Greg Potemkin who shocked the upper classes with his "greasy hair and brutish unwashed body".

No wonder she looks so pleased

Prince Victor Emanuele (Italy, 1937-)

As his name suggests, the son of King Umberto is a man of insatiable appetite. A police investigation into his casino on the Swiss-Italian border revealed a high volume of east European prostitutes appearing on big nights. Wire taps confirmed it was the prince who was importing them, with the help of an unnamed Bulgarian Monarch. When asked to justify his actions Emanuele conceded, "It is because I am a sex maniac". He requested the information be kept from his wife, who subsequently read about it in every newspaper for months.

Emanuele - old pervert


Princess Margaret (UK, 1930-)

Us Brits like to keep our dirty laundry indoors, so hats off to the secret service for a bang up job in keeping Marge's undergarments under wraps. In the late 1960's the princess enjoyed a lengthy fling with gangster John Bindon. "She loved his cockney rhyming slang and dirty jokes," alleged a witness. Bindon was a free and easy type, fond of cocaine and punch-ups, but it was surely a relief to the establishment when the affair fizzled out. In 1971 a gang of black power militants raided the vaults of Lloyds Bank, making off with £500,000 and a number of compromising photos. They were never named and the photos never emerged, but the story was convincing enough to merit a film starring Jason Statham.

Margaret with coke fiend Bindon

Emperor Tiberius (42 BC - AD 37)

At the end of his reign the Roman emperor Tiberius retired on the island of Capri where he had twelve houses of debauchery built in which young men and women trained in sexual practices were brought for his pleasure and would have sex in groups in front of him. Tiberius also created lechery nooks in the woods and had girls and boys dressed as nymphs and Pans prostitute themselves in the open. Some of the things he did are hard to believe. He had little boys trained as minnows to chase him when he went swimming and to get between his legs and nibble him. He also had babies not weaned from their mother breast suck at his chest and groin.

Peter O'Toole as Tiberius in the 1979 historical porn Caligula


King Mswati III (Swaziland, 1968-)

After a bold move forbidding all sexual activity for under 18s, the King rather undermined himself by marrying a 17 year old. Already favoured with 13 other wives, the king is expected to choose another during an HIV awareness ball in which 70,000 virgins will dance for him. Jealous, much?

King Mswati's virgins

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