Unbearable Reality Show Is 'The Hills' For Williamsburg


Written by Jack Blocker
10 Tuesday 10th November 2015

UPDATE: Those clowns removed the video, so now you can only watch the trailer.

In their latest chilling social media campaign, ISIS have sought to drive recruitment to the caliphate by fabricating a horrifying vision of the Western World, in which vapid zombies maraud through it with no sense of decency or morality, intent on inflicting their spiritually bankrupt machinations on their equally bereft human husks, all the while unaware that the maw of Hell is blooming beneath their feet.

Kidding! It's actually a new online reality show called The Bedford Stop, which follows the exploits of a group of twenty-something females as they "follow their dreams" in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

I'll let YOU decide what's worse. 

As you can see, the tortuous affair is 16 minutes long. In order to save you from the endurance test, I'll break it down for you.

The show's very own LC (that's Lauren Conrad from The Hills, for all u noobz) is Alex. Alex moved to Williamsburg two years ago to pursue a career in Merchandising, which obvi involves lying in bed and having dim exhanges with her bestie Sarah, to wit:

Alex: "I'm staring outside, it's so bright."

Sarah: "Are you serious?"

I'm not going to say Alex doesn't pay the rent on her enormous, sun-lit apartment, however I will confidently claim that she's a Stage-9 white female who graduated magna cum laude with a degree in being basic as fuck. If the Marilyn Monroe print on the wall wasn't evidence enough, her subsequent brunch trip with Sarah is the pumpkin-spiced scented certificate.

Their interminable conversation continues at the popular Cafe Collette. Sarah informs Alex she went on a Tinder date the night previous. She doubts she will meet the suitor again, although appreciates him purchasing the pizza and beer. Alex agrees that the men on Tinder can be "hit or miss", but concedes that free pizza and beer is good, because, lo, New York is an expensive place to live.

Meanwhile, the viewer is shocked that the faux-acting is somehow more wooden than the reclaimed wood table at which they sit.

We then catch up with Olena, who has enlisted her photographer ex to improve her profile pictures on Tinder. Awkward much! However, this potentially volatile - albeit self-inflicted - social situation, proves to be remarkably amicable. Could this good natured interaction spell the rekindling of this heretofore doomed relationship?

I just can't even.

After this I got bored and skipped forward a few minutes to the final scene, where the gang go bowling. Following a few rounds, Olena uploads a photo to Instagram. This worried sentence is then uttered:

This is were I begin to ponder The Bedford Stop. Firstly, this caption makes me believe that this could actually be an ISIS recruitment video, although that is quite an interpretive leap. Secondly, if this show is scripted, which it almost certainly is, then it's depressing to think that this is how people view the much derided millennial.

Thirdly, and most worryingly, if this show isn't an ISIS recruitment video nor scripted, then people like this actually exist, fretting over Instagram posts between ironic games of bowling. And I think they actually might, because this is the most convincing faux-acting in the entire 16 minutes.

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