Worst US Presidential Merch


Written by Tshepo Mokoena
15 Sunday 15th April 2012

Ron Paul speakers by Liberty Maniacs

Republican Ron Paul leads the way on this one, with his selection of ludicrous branded goods. Always felt like you wanted a presidential candidate's face on your speakers? Then you'll be pretty excited to get your hands on these little treasures. Just imagine the possibilities: you could plug in your iPod and listen to the podcast speech you downloaded of him talking about how much Obama sucks. And you could play it loud. Alternately, tuck into some of the recipes (and value-sharing anecdotes) in his official cookbook.

Ron Paul bottle cap opener, from RonPaulSwag

He also has a variety of random home accessories available for purchase. There's the opportunity to crack open a celebratory cold one if he wins this thing, using the oddly named 'Revolution' bottle opener. Though not officially endorsed by Paul himself, this piece comes from a company called Ron Paul Swag (of course) whose sole purpose seems to be finding ways to sneak his face onto just about anything not fast enough to get away.

Because Democrat nails are the best nails

On the Democrat side of the coin, current Pres Barack Obama seems to aiming for a slightly classier crowd. Less of the everyman boozing accessories and more swag for the upmarket, fashion forward votes, please. Team Obama present to you this set of Obama nail polishes. They've apparently been designed by Richard Blanch of Le Métier de Beauté, and come in three shades: Red-y To Win Red (incredible), Victory White (which will surely be coopted by white supremacy groups at some point before the elections) and Bo Blue (named after the Obama household's dog and a "fun take on the classic navy").

This grill spatula is another of the odd pieces going in the rather well-stocked Obama store. You can cook up an all-American storm at a barbeque where all the guests need to sport some sort of Obama tee. There's plenty to pick from there: whether you choose to go for the hipster-friendly grey marl deep v-neck with a simple logo, or the edgier "Health Reform is Still a BFD" (cheeky bit of almost-profanity there to remind ourselves that Obama is young, cool and sometimes likes to drop f-bombs too), these guys are making sure even the basic merch tee leaves you with plenty of options.

And some dry-as-hell stickers

Luckily, since he's no longer in the running, there isn't any more pressure on Rick Santorum to bust out fancy merch. The best he seemed to have on offer were lapel stickers (what?) and a campaign involving his signature sweater vest. For a minimum $100 (£63) donation, Santo supporters could've bagged themselves one of his official grey/hideously bland torso huggers - going to be honest here, not sure they would have been worth it.

Seen any other mad election merch on your net travels? Or have ideas of what Boris, Ken & the like could do to up their chances in London? Let us know.

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