4 HUMANS WHO SHOULD LEAVE EARTH AS PART OF ELON MUSK'S MARS COLONISATION PROJECT

4 Humans Who Should Leave Earth As Part Of Elon Musk's Mars Colonisation Project
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4 HUMANS WHO SHOULD LEAVE EARTH AS PART OF ELON MUSK'S MARS COLONISATION PROJECT



Written by Oscar Henson
19 Monday 19th June 2017

Clearly Elon Musk hasn’t seen the new Alien film.

Last week, the SpaceX CEO released a new manifesto containing details for his plan to create a ‘backup drive’ for humanity by sending a group of humans to colonise mars.

On first glance, the document feels a little light on the nitty gritty technical details that you might expect of a proposal of this size. However, Musk assures us that “it’s not that complicated”, and that is should be feasible within the next ten years – for those who can afford the $10 billion ticket cost. 

As one canny observer pointed out, the plan looks suspiciously like the plot for The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy: convince humanity that the earth is due to end, build a number of space-ships to facilitate the evacuation, wait for the most wealthy and entitled members of the human race to push themselves to the front of the queue, blast them into space and then sit back, relax and enjoy life on earth, which is suddenly a far better place for it.

So who should head up mankind’s great relocation? Which members of the elite would be better off residing on Martian pastures?

 

Ed Sheeran

Let’s face it: Ed’s luck on planet earth is due to run dry at any minute, and he knows it. On the outside he’s smiling, but on the inside he’s panicking. How did a speccy ginger kid with an unremarkable amount of talent become the biggest-selling artist on the planet, with stadium tours, big-name collabs and multiple model girlfriends to his name? 

No. Better not risk it. At any minute the world might come to and ask what the fuck is going on, and there’ll be a lot of explaining to do – not least that dodgy Irish rap bit from the last album. Better to leave on a positive note and relocate. They’re gonna need an annoying dude with a guitar in space, and there’ll be nowhere for the crowd to slip off to.  

 

Katie Hopkins

At some point, Katie’s fundamental hatred for humanity will consume her, and she will be forced to flee. Luckily her complete lack of self-awareness will save her from realising the fundamental irony of the whole thing - just be sure you don’t call it immigration.  

 

Theresa May

NASA has been searching for signs of life at No. 10, but have found no sign of it. Results indicate that Ms May is devoid of any trace of humanity, and will surely leap at the opportunity to rejoin her alien brethren on the icy shores of the Valles Marineris.

 

Elon Musk

Because - on the off chance that relocating to Mars isn’t as easy as he says it is – the man himself better be on board to show them where the emergency exits are located.  

 

 

 

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