It’s Thursday and you’re over the age of twelve, so the chances are you’re tired and miserable af.
Fear not. A new lightning fast solution to the universal problem of unrelenting mid-week knackeredness has arrived.
A plucky 23-year-old sports scientist by the name of Danny Lowe is more intelligent than you, and as a result has actually managed to create something of genuine worth and purpose in this life. Zing!
That something is BLOCKHEAD – the world’s first ‘compressed energy’ chewing gum.
Utilising unique and patented absorption techniques, BLOCKHEAD allows you to absorb 'compressed energy' (caffeine - lots of it) directly through your gums.
Promising to pack the punch of a regular energy drink in just two pieces - and at five times the speed – your boy Danny has finally found a way to deliver those unbeatable coffee feels without the bad breath and overriding sense of dread.
What’s more, BLOCKHEAD is packed to the brim full of added vitamins – because why not? Fuck fruit!
Being the all-out gonzo journalist that I am, I decided the only thing for it was to jump headfirst down the rabbit hole.
And so it came to be on a bleak Monday morning in March: a clammy hand clasping a ten-pack of BLOCKHEAD. Beads of sweat running down my furrowed, fatigued brow. Could this really be the answer? There was only one way of finding out.
The effects of the gum are mega-fast, lasting, but pleasantly subtle. Whilst a wrongly-timed mocha can lead to total collapse of the mental realm, BLOCKHEAD simply gets you running on full cylinders again. No jitters. No sense of trepidation. Just you, but better.
So - students, employees, mums, dads, teachers, ravers – the answer is here! Grab a packet of BLOCKHEAD gum and see for yourself.
Read up on the science and shop for BLOCKHEAD at http://blockheadenergy.com/
Want to see what the fuss is about? Use code dontpanic022 at checkout for 25% off your order!