THE 5 BEST PC GAMES

The 5 Best PC Games
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THE 5 BEST PC GAMES



Written by Gabriel Mathews
10 Monday 10th July 2017

In our pursuit to relive the early teen days - when our only real problems were an overload of school homework, plucking up the courage to ask ‘the’ girl to dance and the idea our parents were going to find out we’d sucked on a nicotine stick and as a result well on our way to being a full time methadone addict.

We’ve done our top 5 Gamecube games but now it’s time to take a step back from the Italian plumber and his friends and relive the good old days of the hefty slow whirling mess that was the PC. These beautifully clunky machines weren’t for socialising, they required your whole hearted attention and if you could it was pointless sharing screens. You could play multiplayer from within the confines of your own house, which people did and you then consequently dealt with jumpy glitchy wifi which would have 12 year old boys screaming like a banshee.

Anyway here’s our top 5 games to rekindle the flames of your relationship between you and your personal computer:

5. Command & Conquer: Red Alert

The real time-strategy game was a soviet’s wet dream. The bizarre plot in which Albert Einstein goes back in time, kills Adolf Hitler and therefore allows the Soviet Union to grow strong. They take over China and then begin invading Europe and then Stalin dies and then something else happened… it was all quite confusing.

The games’ politically charged storyline was completely irrelevant. The majority of you who played it would have had no idea about the geo-politics involved. The game was more about directing tanks one way or the other.

4. Doom

I have to be honest this game is here because if it’s wasn’t the Don’t Panic offices would be flooded with a sea of irate PC nerds with ‘DOOM’ tattooed across their stomach. The fact the game given its rebirth in 2016 says something not only about the keenness of it’s fans but the quality of the game.

For anyone who didn’t see it, there was also a DOOM film - with Dwayne The Rock Johnson - so it must have been good.

3. Sims - All of them

Wanted to play mummy and daddy, doctors, cops and robbers well Sims was the game for you. Wanted to live out the repetitive mediocre day to day life that your parents resented… well Sims was the game for you. Wanted to live the life of a worker on minimum wage creating houses with garage’s bigger than the house they occupy...Sims was the game for.

How the simulator managed to convince kids that they wanted to spend their days inside building houses, working a 9 - 5, washing up sick and dealing with family squabbles I will never know. But either way it was a great game!

2. Rollercoaster Tycoon

Not much needs to be said about this other than it was Sims for roller coasters. If Thorpe Park didn’t satisfy your theme park cravings, this game would. You managed your own park and were able to build your own roller coasters.

Some of the more sadistic of you would have built roller coasters that went straight up, straight down, back up again and then just ended resulting in carts of pixelated individuals flying through an 8-bit universe crashing down in a firey inferno. The majority of us did it but would fix the problem before opening the ride - we weren’t completely insane. Those who did… well you are probably drowning cats now.

1. Age of Empires I

Another real-time strategy game, but instead of tanks, guns, flame towers and tesla coils its sticks, stones, horses, archers and if you were a cheater/lazy the car.

Children who played this game spent hours foraging for berries, mining for gold, chopping down trees and subsequently were taught the benefits of pillaging our planet for all it’s natural resources and the faster you do it the better position you will be in. No wonder the world is fucked. It’s not global warming it’s Age of fucking Empires.

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